CHOOSING THE RIGHT SCHOOL FOR YOUR CHILD

 

Summer is upon us, and many parents are thinking about summer camp for their children. This is also the time to be thinking about school and classroom choice for the next school year.

There are many school choices for parents and students. You may be asking yourself: Does my child qualify for special placement in a private school, and what do I need to know to make the right choice?

Many parents are looking at school options and while public education is wonderful, some parents may need to consider alternatives in education, particularly if their child is having academic and behavioral problems.

What are my options?

There are more options than ever before for parents to help their children academically. This is what parents need to know:

• Parents, you are responsible for your child’s academic choices -- not the school, teacher, or principal.
• If you child is having academic or behavioral problems, regardless of age, it is a good first step is to start with a health screening through your child’s pediatrician. Sometimes behavioral or learning problems can be linked to health issues.
• Additionally, speak to your child’s teacher, school counselor, or administrator regarding your concerns. Of course, if your child is having severe behavioral problems, most schools will provide you with a number of options that can assist you in getting help. A few examples are one-on-one attention and tutoring.
• Request your child be evaluated by the school counselor or social worker.
• Early intervention is key! If a parent is concerned about the developmental or social development of their child, I encourage seeking intervention services prior to the child entering the school system.

 

Where can a child get evaluated?

There are many wonderful agencies in our area that offer evaluation services. Some services are free, while other agencies offer services on a sliding scale.

 

SEDNET       

http://www.sednetfl.info    

A network for students with emotional/behavioral disabilities who live in Duval, Clay, and Nassau Counties.

 

 

FDLRS

www.fdlrs.org                   

Telephone: (386) 329-3811

Early childhood screening for children under the age of five living ‎in Baker, St. Johns, Union, Flagler, and Putnam Counties.

 

THE CHILD GUIDANCE CENTER

 info@childguidancecenter.org 

Telephone: (904) 448-4700

Case management, medical management and early intervention services.

 

UF SHANDS DEPARTMENT OF PEDIATRICS

http://hscj.ufl.edu/pediatrics/developmental-pediatrics/contactus.aspx

Chief, Division of Developmental Pediatrics

David O. Childers, M.D.

(904) 633-0801

 

HOPE HAVEN

www.hope-haven.org        Telephone: (904) 346-5100

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Next Topic

 

National Foster Care Month – Helping Kids in Transition

 

May is National Foster Care Month. And it’s a great time to take a look at the amazing people who open their homes to help kids in need right here in our own community.

Here in Florida – there are over 8,000 kids in foster care. There are many ways for the community to get involved and help these kids who are in transition – from foster or adoptive parents to volunteers and mentors. You may be asking yourself: What can I do to help our local kids?

The role of foster parents is truly inspiring. It can really change the course of a child’s life for the better.  Foster parenting may not be for everyone, but for those who choose to dedicate their time, their love and their homes to abused and neglected children, it is a calling.

 

How do kids end up in Foster care?

All kinds of good kids end up in foster care when bad things happen in their families, whether it’s domestic abuse, drug use or neglect – there are wide-ranging reasons for kids to need foster parents.

One of the biggest needs we see locally is foster parents who are willing to help teenage kids.

How are teens helped through foster care?

One story in particular stands out about a 10-year old who came to Daniel’s therapeutic foster care.  She’d been abused and neglected while living with her family and saw her mother selling drugs. This young girl was placed in foster care and made an amazing turnaround through therapy, counseling and support from her new foster family. She really bonded with her new foster parent – so much so her foster parent decided to adopt her! She was adopted when she was 15. The course of her entire life changed, and she’s doing so well in school she’s decided to become a pediatrician!

 

 

How can people get involved and become foster parents?

Family Support Services (FSS) does a great job of training and licensing foster parents so they can help the kids who really need it most.

Contact information for Family Support Services (FSS):

Web address: www.fssjax.org

Telephone number: (904) 421-5800

There’s a need foster parents as diverse as the kids who we are serving. We need individuals and families who can provide a safe and loving home to a child in need in every community in this state.

With the thousands of kids in foster care – there’s really a big age range there - from newborns to teenagers.

 

What are the requirements for becoming a Foster parent?

• You must be at least 18 years of age
• You may be married or single.
• You may own your home, or rent.
• You can work outside the home
• You must be able to work in partnership with the system of care

If you’re looking to become a foster parent, FSS is a great place to start. They’ll be able to answer any questions you may have. Also, you can contact Daniel directly at (904) 296-1055. Daniel has a number of Foster Parent open house opportunities throughout the year. These open houses are a great time to come out and ask questions and begin the conversation about how to become a foster parent.

 

 

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New Topic

 

Keeping Kids Safe

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, a month dedicated to keeping kids safe. It’s a time to take a look at that we can EACH play a part in promoting the social and emotional well-being for children and families in our community.

You may be asking yourself: What can I do to protect my family? Facing the unknown is can be scary for parents - but there are important things you can do to keep your children safe and resources to help you.

Six Ways to Protect Your Kids

There’s a set of six “behaviors” or habits that parents can do that really sets a strong foundation to help their little ones.  The idea is that parents can set up a framework of trust and communication with their kids - so that harmful situations can be avoided.

 

1. Nurturing and Attachment

• The foundation for a child’s life is built early on by their parents.
• Being nurtured and developing a bond with their parents influences ALL aspects of their life and development.
• When parents and children have warm, loving relationships, children develop a trust for their parents.
• This sets the stage for an open and honest relationship as they get older. One in which they would feel comfortable opening up and sharing things.

 2. Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development

• We all know discipline is important - but it’s most effective when parents set clear limits and are able to stick them! Parents need to encourage AGE-appropriate behavior.
• Child abuse and neglect are often associated with a lack of understanding of basic child development. If you know what your child is able to understand - you won’t lose your temper when they seem to be “disobeying”

3. Parental Resilience

• Parents have to be able to adapt and keep their cool! You’ve got to be flexible and handle everyday stresses without losing your temper.
• Parents stay on the lookout for these things:
  • HOW and WHEN stress happens, including the "little things" that add up
  • HOW to recognize stress and its triggers
  • How stress affects parenting, marriage, and family life

4. Social Connections

• Evidence links being socially isolated socially and feeling like you don’t have support leads to  child abuse or mistreatment Overcome transportation difficulties by carpooling to kids’ activities. Or try joining a babysitting co-op and to meet other parents!
  • Raising kids can be tough and parents need a support system!
  • Friends and family can give you emotional support when things get tough
• Take advantage of those community resources, church groups, or free events in the community are a good place to start.
• Join a parent’s group or play group in the neighborhood, or start your own!

Parents remember you need to be connected NOT isolated!

5. Concrete Support for Parents

• Free Parenting Classes
• Project SOS – marriage classes to help strengthen relationships and parent as a team

 6. Social and Emotional Competence of Children

• Just like learning to walk, talk, or read, children must also learn to identify and express emotions the right way.
• Teach children the different ways for responding to feelings, conflicts, or problems such as taking deep breaths, stepping away from the situation to calm down, or asking an adult for help.
• Praise your children for getting it right!

 

12 Warning Signs

Unfortunately, abuse DOES occur and it’s important to watch out for these things when it comes to your kids:

1. Unusual fearfulness
2. Lack of hygiene or inappropriate dress
3. Frequent injuries
4. Delayed emotional, intellectual or language development
5. Feeding disorders
6. Rocking; self-inflicted pain
7. Sleep disorder, bed-wetting
8. Lack of eye contact, poor socialization
9. Acting out in school
10. Unexplained scars or bruises
11. Malnutrition
12. Many school absences

 

How to Report Abuse

Legislation, signed by Gov. Rick Scott, REQUIRES any individual who suspects that a child has been abused by any person to report that information to the Florida Abuse Hotline. And there are a number of ways you can do that:

Telephone:    1-800-962-2873

Fax:                1-800-914-0004

TDD:               1-800-453-5145

Web:               FloridaAbuseHotline.com

This month is really all about our kids and Family Support Services of Northeast Florida has a lot of exciting things planned to raise awareness. Also gardens of pinwheels have been popping up all over town to bring awareness and remind people about the importance of this month. We even have one at Daniel! 

And as our own Superintendent of Schools, Dr Vitti, said recently - “Children gauge their behavior based upon the expectation of adults. Adults need to set the tone.”

 

Sources:

http://www.myflfamilies.com/service-programs/abuse-hotline

http://dontmissthesigns.org/

 

Parenting Tips

Dating as a single parent does bring up different issues than dating as a young, childless person. You have to make sure your prospective dates are trustworthy, have good values and could ultimately be a good addition to your family. Of course these things take time to figure out, so lots of single parents struggle with what rules to follow when it comes to dating with children.

 

Q  When do I introduce my date/boyfriend/girlfriend to my kids?

Mr. Clark: That is one of the most common and complicated questions. There is no set time frame on when you should introduce your new significant other to your kids. Obviously, you should be honest and let your kids know you are dating, but the healthiest choice for everyone involved is to wait to introduce the person you’re dating until you and your partner are in a committed relationship. There are some guidelines you can follow to help you determine when you’ve reached a good time for introductions:

• Look at the quality of your relationship- make sure there is a true commitment
• Be able to see your significant other as part of your family
• Have an open dialogue with your significant other about these possibilities and about meeting your children

Q:  What if parents think it’s too hard to wait that long to introduce the person they’re dating to their children. What do you say to that?

Mr. Clark: It can absolutely be challenging for single parents to wait for a while before introducing their new partner to their kids. This is especially true if you are the full-time single parent. Try to look at it as a fun challenge to find creative ways to date.

• Perhaps you meet for dates over your lunch breaks
• Or the two of you could grab coffee in the morning before work
• And of course, when possible enlist friends, neighbors and babysitters to watch your kids and then meet out for a date.

 

Q: Why is it so important for single parents who are dating to wait to introduce their significant other to their kids?

Mr. Clark: The main reason why it is important for single parents to wait is really to protect the children from a variety of possible emotions that they shouldn’t have to worry about until  they’re sure who they’re are dating will be around awhile. For example:

• Kids may  worry that you will forget about them or abandon them now that you have new love interest. By waiting until the right time, you are protecting your child’s sense of security.
• Your kids might become attached to the new person. Your child and date could really hit it off, so then what happens when it doesn’t work out? You don’t want to cause your child any unnecessary pain of separation.

No one complains that they let their dates meet their kids too late, but a lot of people regret letting their dates meet their kids too early.

 

Q:  So once the right time does arrive, how do parents get to the point of a face-to-face introduction?

 

Mr. Clark: Once you and your new significant other have decided you are ready to bring the kids into the picture, there are some steps you can follow to make the process easy and hopefully fun for everyone.

• Before the introduction start a dialogue with your kids. Start by making your own statement of love and support your family. Then ask your kids what type of person or qualities they would want for you and what type of qualities they would want in someone who would be spending time with them and the family as a whole. When possible, relate some of their points to the qualities your significant other possesses.
• Plan a stress-free, kid friendly activity for the introduction. You could all go play miniature golf together or go out for pizza. Do something that is fun and quick so that the first conversations can be short and low-pressure.
• Gradually spend more unpressured time together. As opportunities arise, continue to have your kids and new partner spend more time together and get to know each other at their own pace.

 

Q:  What other single parent dating pointers do you have?

 

Mr. Clark: There are some other simple guidelines single parents can keep in mind as they venture into the world of dating and incorporating their kids into that world.

• Reassure your kids. Make sure they know your relationship with them will not change because of your new romantic relationship. Stick to this by not allowing your dating life to interfere with raising your kids. Don’t skip school activities or sporting events to go on dates.
• Let your child express his/her feelings about your dating. Listen to your children’s concerns and opinions about your dating. Don’t yell, judge or criticize their feelings. Keep the conversation open.
• Don’t force a relationship between your child and partner. Never force your child to meet or accept your love interest until they are ready. Of course you can expect your child to be respectful, but let the relationship develop at its own pace.
• Be a positive role model. This is especially true if you have pre-teen or teenage children. They are dealing with their own emotions and sexuality, so they don’t need to deal with yours too.
• Don’t allow your date to discipline. Until the relationship is more permanent, don’t let them have authority over your child. You set the boundaries for your children and teach them appropriate behaviors on your own.

The bottom line is that the relationship you have with your child will last forever, no matter what happens with your new relationship.

Sources:

http://www.tinatessina.com/single_parents.html

http://singlemoms.eharmony.com/what-to-tell-your-kids-about-your-dating-life.html

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/datingandyourchildren/f/datingchildren.htm

http://singleparents.about.com/od/datingadvice/a/introducekids_2.htm

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NEW TOPIC

Valentine’s Day is a few days away, and many of us have love on our minds, including our kids. For most parents out there, the idea of your pre-teens and teenage children dating probably brings up feelings of fear and uncertainty. When should kids begin dating? What types of dating behaviors are appropriate at certain ages? Licensed social worker and president and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, joined us to help answer some of these questions.

When Will My Kids Start Showing Interest in Dating?

The answer to this question might scare some parents, but the truth is that it’s perfectly normal for kids to start having crushes in the late elementary and early middle school years. It’s part of the biological changes of puberty, and before we see the physical changes, the hormonal ones are already happening. Having a crush is fine. The problem is when kids act on those feelings too quickly, which is why parents need to be alert and involved.

What Type of Dates Should My Child be Going on?

It’s hard to extend age guidelines to all kids and teens when it comes to dating.

• Most child psychology experts say pre-teens should only participate in supervised group activities like school dances or trips to the mall or movies.
• One-on-one dating is appropriate for older teens, with polls showing most parents allowing the transition at age 16.

The best approach is for parents to use their judgment to decide what is ok for their kids based on their maturity level. We can also look at some numbers on pre-teen and teen dating patterns so parents might have a better idea of what to expect. Research shows that:

• Among 13-year-olds, 37% of males and 34% of females have been in a romantic relationship
• Among 15-year-olds, 49% of males and 56% of females have been in a romantic relationship
• Most romantic relationships among 12 to 14 year olds last less than five months
• By age 16, relationships last an average of two years

What Kinds of Dating Rules Should be Established for My Child?

It is important for parents to set some dating ground rules and clearly communicate these rules…and consequences… to their pre-teens and teenagers. Some of these rules should include:

• Curfews
• Appropriate age of partner
• Telling you who they will be with, where they will be and contact information
• Encourage your kids to invite friends over, but set ground rules such as no closed doors when someone of the opposite sex is over

When setting rules, there are two important things to keep in mind:

• Don’t be too oppressive and restrictive, otherwise you’re asking for rebellion. Use logic and reason when creating dating rules.
• Explain why you are setting certain rules or forbidding certain activities. This helps your teen see that you aren’t just trying to control them, but that you care about them and that’s why you’re setting rules.

Of course some of these rules, like curfew and partner age, will change as your child ages. But these are important basics to have established once your child wants to date.

How Do I Talk to My Kids About Dating and Keep the Conversations Honest?

Talking with your pre-teens and teenagers about dating can be a difficult subject to tackle, but having open and honest communication with your kids about dating is critical to staying involved in their dating lives.

• By the pre-teen years, you should have already had the basic sex talk, and this should be an ongoing conversation as your kids get older. Make sure you are also including feelings in these discussions.
• Answer your kid’s dating questions openly and honestly. This will set the standard for all future conversations.
• Talk to your teen about friends and daily events. This way can learn about their peer network and what things they find important. When it comes to dating, this information can give you insight into who they might date and what kinds of activities your child and his or her partner might be interested in.
• Be open to discussing your relationship experiences. Use these talks to establish how you define a healthy relationship.
• Set an example for your pre-teen and teen in your own relationship. Model healthy relationship behaviors with your partner that so your child can see what it means to be in a committed, equal partnership.

Pre-teen and teen dating doesn’t have to be a horrible prospect, as long as parents work to have open communication and they establish and follow through with dating rules.

 

Sources:

http://drphil.com/articles/article/50

http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Teens_Dating_Tips/

http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/boyfriends_girlfriends_what_parents_need_know_about_teenage_dating#

 

 

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New Topic 

Cultural Acceptance

On an almost daily basis we see or hear about issues relating to differences in race, religion and culture. As our country and community continue to evolve and experience new beliefs and cultures, it is important that parents are raising culturally competent children. But what should you teach your kids about other beliefs and cultures? And how do you teach them? Licensed social worker and President and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, offers the following advice about culturally competent parenting:

The Presence of Culture in Our Lives

This is such an important topic, and a timely one as we are currently celebrating Black History Month. Issues pertaining to race, religion and culture are very prevalent in our media. In our daily lives, these issues are especially noticeable on days of worship.

 

The Benefits of Cultural Acceptance

Culturally competent parenting that reinforces awareness and understanding is essential to teach children to appreciate the differences of others and become better individuals themselves. Research shows that individuals that are more accepting of others:

• Become better team players
• Develop a stronger affinity with their own culture
• Experience enhanced self-confidence

The Perfect Times to Celebrate Culture

Black history month isn’t the only time you can focus on raising culturally competent children.  There are plenty of other cultural holidays during the year when you can also bring this topic to the forefront at home. Some upcoming holidays are:

• St. Patrick’s Day
• Cinco de Mayo
• Passover
• Kwanzaa

The Start of Culturally Competent Parenting

A great way to start the process of raising culturally aware children is to teach your kids about their own culture. Children tend to internalize any negative views they may hear about their own culture, so it’s important that as a parent you are presenting your child’s culture to him or her in positive ways.

• Spend time talking to our kids about their culture and what makes it special and unique.
• Seek out successful people in your community who share your child’s culture and beliefs, such as coaches and teachers. This gives your child examples of good role models who are like them.
• Have books, art and toys that reflect your child’s culture.
• Encourage your child to develop same-culture peer relationships.

As you help your child develop cultural pride, you also are helping them develop their self-esteem.

The Transition to Appreciating Different Cultures

Being a culturally competent parent and raising children who can respect cultures different from their own does require some conscientious effort, and it starts with the parents.

• First of all, be aware of your own language and attitude towards other cultures. Don’t use negative language about other cultures and avoid openly talking about stereotypes in front of your kids. These negative attitudes and views will rub off on your kids.
• Instead, use culturally sensitive language, encourage awareness and discourage stereotyping. This positive approach will then rub off on your kids.

The Ways to Experience Other Cultures

There are a lot of fun and interesting ways parents can teach their kids about other cultures, religions and ethnicities.

• Attend multi-cultural schools and places of worship
• Participate in multi-cultural clubs and recreational activities
• Invite friends of different cultures to share holidays, and ask them to return the favor
• Explore history – read books or watch movies about slavery, women’s rights and people with disabilities
• Prepare ethnic meals – food is great way to celebrate and enjoy cultures different than your own

The Importance of Cultural Competence

Cultural tolerance will give your child the foundation for living and working in a culturally diverse society. The goal is not to be a melting pot, but a wonderful salad in which each ingredient enhances the overall flavor.

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Next topic

Parents often wish there children came with an instructions manual. One issue that parents face every day is communication: what’s the best way to talk to kids? Licensed social worker and president of daniel, Jim Clark, gives some insight about kids, parents, and communication.

 

Basic Guidelines on Communicating with Kids:

• One of the most important things is to make the time to talk with them in the first place. Life can get hectic, so make sure you set aside time for this even if it’s in the car on the way to school or while you’re cooking dinner.
• Second, be a good listener. Listen to everything from the heavy stuff like drugs or sex to everyday things like schoolwork. If your kids know you are a good listener, then they are more likely to talk to you. Turn off the television and avoid taking phone calls during discussions.
• Finally, don’t interrupt. That will make your child feel like you’re not listening. Even if you think you know what they’re going to say, give them a little more time to explain.

 

Pointers on Communicating with Tougher Topics Like Drugs and Alcohol:

• Again, as with any discussion with your child, make time for it. But beforehand, whether you are talking to them about drugs, alcohol or sex, do your research. Go online and read up on the topic or even see if there are pamphlets in your doctor’s office. That way you really know what you’re talking about and if your child doesn’t want to discuss the subject, you can offer him the information or articles you found to read.
• Next, avoid confrontation about the topic. Don’t convene a family meeting specifically to talk about it. That could alienate a child or make him feel pressured. Instead, present the topic in a way to make your child feel that you are exploring the topic together.
• For example, say you and a colleague discussed a troubling situation. Share that conversation with your child and ask what he thinks instead of offering your opinion first.

 

What Parents Can Keep in Mind When Answering Their Child’s Questions:

Parents need to make sure that use open-ended responses that do not convey evaluation or judgment, which can be referred to as “door openers.” The opposite, which parents should avoid, are “door slammers.” Door slammers make your child feel like you do not want to have a conversation and can even make him feel guilty for asking something in the first place.

 

An example of a door opener is “That’s a good question.” An example of a door slammer is “That’s none of your business.”

 

How To Handle It If You and Your Child Disagree on Something

• Work on softening your reactions even if you strongly disagree or disapprove of what your child says. If you react with hostility, he may decide to stop sharing his thoughts and opinions with you.
• In many business and social settings, parents have to deal with disagreements. In many cases, you have to “agree to disagree.” You can use that same philosophy with your child. Instead of arguing about how he is right, tell them that you respect their opinion, but you feel differently.
• But remember, if you do feel differently — especially if it’s on an important topic like drug or alcohol use, it’s your right and responsibility to stand your ground. Let them know you have truly heard them, but disagree and that you are the parent and you expect them to follow your guidelines.

 

Resources/Links:

http://www.familyeducation.com/home/

http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/communication.shtml

http://www.mindpub.com/art362.htm

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The Spirit of Giving  12/12

 

In a matter of days, families across the country will wait in lengthy lines outside of retailers to grab early-morning doorbuster sales on the biggest shopping day of the year – Black Friday. While Black Friday and Cyber Monday have become shopping staples, this year some retailers are extending sales to the actual night of Thanksgiving. The somewhat controversial Thanksgiving night sales have led some to worry that this time of year has become more about getting deals instead of giving thanks or giving back. Licensed social worker and Daniel CEO Jim Clark discusses how parents can help children keep the GIVING in Thanksgiving.

 

Help Children Understand the Spirit of Giving

 

Thanksgiving is a perfect time to reiterate the spirit of giving with your children. While these Black Friday and related sales are a way for the family to save money, it’s important to remember why we celebrate Thanksgiving and take time to reflect on what we have, not necessarily what we want. This message will then hopefully carry through to for the whole holiday season and beyond.

 

-          Acknowledge what your child already does – Introduce the idea of giving to others by first acknowledging what they are already doing that benefits others. For instance, the last time your children cleaned out the toy box or closet it meant that you were able donate those items to people in need. Spotlighting the things your children already do enables them to look at giving in a new light. In fact, your children will likely be so happy to discover how they already makes a difference; the motivation to give more often will quickly surface.

 

-          Give your children a choice – Your children will be more likely to adopt a giving spirit, when they are able to choose a cause that’s meaningful to them. Whether they have an affinity for animals or nature, finding what holds your children’s interest allows them to become more vested in the project.

 

-          Make giving a family affair – Include your children when you make a decision about supporting a cause. Allow them to see your thought process behind choosing certain organizations or causes. Also, volunteering as a family is a great way to spend time together while also modeling the importance of giving back.

 

-          Incorporate giving into activities your children already participate in – When it comes to incorporating acts of giving into everyday activities, the options are unlimited. For example, you might encourage your children and their friends to write holiday cards for our troops during a portion of their play date. Whatever you do, weave it into the fun of what you are already doing.

 

-          Give and receive – Often, children will go through the motions of helping others (volunteering, donating) without fully understanding why they are doing it. Take the time to spotlight how the giving process was received. For example, share the stories of families who benefited from your canned food drive.

 

Spending Family Time this Holiday Season

 

-          Continue or develop holiday traditions. If your family has a holiday tradition, be sure to keep it going even as your children grow older. If you don’t have a family tradition, now is the time to start. Perhaps you all have a different part of the Thanksgiving dinner you make or all take a nap after the meal. Maybe it’s even a group Black Friday shop . . . mentioned earlier.  Anything that your family can do year after year as a unit will create shared memories between you.

 

-          Consider getting a family gift. If you do find yourself out Black Friday, get a family gift. It does NOT have to be expensive.  This could be a board game, a movie you watch together every holiday season, or a football you all throw in the yard together. Getting a family gift will get everyone thinking in terms of the family as whole and get each member excited about spending time together using that gift.

 

-          Have kids talk to family members. Whether it’s during Thanksgiving dinner or over the long weekend, have your kids ask their grandparents, aunts and uncles about their holiday memories. This will help them bond outside the nuclear family and add to their understanding of the real meanings behind the holidays.

 

-          Volunteer as a family. This goes back to what I mentioned earlier- in terms of instilling the spirit of giving. Whether it’s something you do on Thanksgiving or a resolution to do something that you simply discuss during Thanksgiving, pick a cause close to your hearts and volunteer as a family. You could all go work in a soup kitchen or simply bake treats for local heroes – like firefighters, police and nurses that have to work Thanksgiving. Giving back to the community as a family will allow you all to bond through your gratitude and spirit of philanthropy.

 

#GivingTuesday – A National Day of Giving

 

#GivingTuesday is a great initiative that provides an opportunity for families to participate in a national day of giving to the nonprofit of their choice – like Daniel or any one of hundreds of nonprofit agencies. With an entire holiday dedicated to giving thanks and a few for getting deals, #GivingTuesday (Nov. 27) is a day for giving back. This is a wonderful opportunity for families to look at their annual giving and join their fellow Americans in an enormous gesture that serves as an example to future generations.

 

To see the video clip of this discussion and other clips of Jim’s advice segments, visit Daniel’s YouTube page at http://bit.ly/OvpzAx.This particular clip should be available after 11/21/12.

 

Resources:
 
http://givingtuesday.org/about/

http://www.more4kids.info/553/teaching-children-the-meaning-of-thanksgiving/

http://www.momeomagazine.com/parenting-101-teaching-kids-the-spirit-of-giving-holiday-lessons-on-the-importance-of-charity/

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/holidays_materialistic.html#

http://rockville.patch.com/articles/teaching-kids-to-give-back-during-the-holidays

http://www.surfnetparents.com/2195/family-giving-bonding-during-the-holidays/

 

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New Topic Nov 2012

November’s National Adoption Month is a great time for people to learn the facts about kids in foster care and adoption in Florida. Many people don’t realize that Florida’s Adoption Information Center is a statewide service that’s been operated right here in Jacksonville by Daniel since 1994. The center averages more than 10,000 calls each year with a wide range of adoption questions. Bob Rooks, Director of Florida’s Adoption Information Center, answers some of the most common questions about adoption.

How Hard is it to Adopt?

There are many different methods of adoptions and the questions of ease and expense varies depending on which route you choose. Many people want to adopt babies and to do that most go overseas or adopt through. However, there are other options as well. Many people don’t realize that there are plenty of children locally who need adoptive families and who can be adopted for no cost at all. As of September 30^th, there were 50 children right here in Northeast Florida waiting to be adopted and 445 throughout the state.

Who Are the Kids in Florida Waiting to be Adopted?

When a lot of people think of adoption, they probably picture a family adopting a newborn baby. However, the majority of kids in the public adoption system in Florida needing are actually school age children. Many of these kids end up in the foster care system due to no fault of their own. Most likely they have been abused, abandoned and neglected. Consequently, a judge decided their family was incapable of caring for the child, and they go into the foster care system. Kids waiting to be adopted are all of different ages, races and circumstances. Some of them have medical or emotional issues, but placed in a loving adoptive home, they go on to lead happy, successful lives. Other kids are part of sibling groups and striving to be placed together.

Does it Cost a lot of Money to Adopt Locally?

Where most private adoptions can cost upwards of $30,000, doing a public adoption of a child in Florida comes at little-to-no cost.  The required training class and home study are provided for free, and court costs can often be paid for by the agency if the family cannot afford them. Some families who adopt can even qualify for monthly financial support to offset ongoing costs. The amount is negotiated on a case-by-case basis and depends on the child’s circumstances and availability of funds. Other one-time expenses that might be reimbursed are birth certificate fees and travel expenses for visiting the child.

How Difficult is it to Adopt a Child in Florida?

There are so many misconceptions out there about adoption. A lot of people think it is really complicated and that they have to meet some stereotype of “perfect parents”, but none of this is actually true. Adopters are as varied as the children who need to be adopted. To be able to adopt in Florida, you can be married or single, already a parent or never a parent, in your 50s or 20s, a renter or a homeowner, and a person of wealth or of modest means. There is no certain description required to be an adoptive parent. If you are able to open your heart and home to a child and give them the love and basic care they deserve, you can be an adoptive parent. As far as how long the process takes, it varies case by case.

There nine general steps to the whole process:

1. Call- Florida’s Adoption Information Center (1-800-96ADOPT or 1-904-353-0679) to get the ball rolling.
2. Orientation-  Attend a one to two hour session to talk with experienced adoptive parents and adoption counselors about the process.
3. Preparation Course (MAPP)- The Model Approach to Partnership in Parenting (MAPP) is an in-depth, ten week training course all adoptive parents must complete. It allows you to assess your family, yourself and to explore adoption issues.
4. Home Study- This is the time when background checks and character references take place. A counselor will also come into your home at least once to make sure you can provide a safe and stable environment for a child. The counselor is likely to ask about your reasons for wanting to adopt, your financial situation and parenting philosophy. The whole point of the visits, background checks and references is to ensure a successful adoption for everyone involved.
5. Approval- All the information collected is sent to adoption specialist and you are notified when your application is approved.
6. Finding the Right Match- You can continue looking online and attending recruitment activities where children available for adoption are in attendance. When you find a child or children you are interested in, notify your counselor for more information.
7. Making the Match Permanent- Once you find the perfect match, you will spend more time getting to know the child, and the child will spend time getting to know you and your family. This can include sharing photo albums, short home visits, and eventually overnight or extended visits. Placement will happen once you, the child and the counselor feel the child is ready.
8. Placement Supervision- A counselor will make monthly visits to your home to see how the child is adjusting and whether any additional services may be needed. The supervision period ends when the counselor sends “Consent to Adopt” to your attorney.
9. Finalization- The child will usually live your family six months before the adoption is finalized before a judge.

It might sound lengthy as I sit here and describe the process, but in reality steps 1-4 can usually all be completed in less than nine months. Once these steps are completed, it’s just a matter of being approved to adopt and finding your child.

How Can I Learn More About Adoption in Florida?

An easy first step is to call the adoption center at Daniel at 1-800-96-ADOPT. People are there to answer questions for prospective adoptive parents, parents who already have adopted and anything at all that has to do with adoption. You can also visit the Explore Adoption website at adoptflorida.org. In fact, you can even do a child search, putting in your parameters regarding sex, age and the types of special emotional or physical needs you do or don’t feel comfortable with. Last year, Florida was one of the top states in the country for adoptions with 3,252 adoptions from Foster Care. Northeast Florida had over 250 adoptions last year.

Resources: http://www.adoptflorida.org/kids1.shtml

 

 

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With just over two weeks until Election Day, emotions are running high nationwide in anticipation of selecting who will lead our country for the next four years. With most national elections, advertising becomes a central focus of the candidates’ campaigns. This past primary, we saw the most negative advertising campaigns in our country’s history, which leads experts to believe that in the last few weeks before the election, attack ads may become increasingly vicious. While adults understand that this form of advertising has become a part of the political process, children may be confused as to why candidates seems so angry with each other or wonder why adults are so concerned about the election in general. Licensed social worker and Daniel CEO Jim Clark offers some advice to help parents navigate the issue of how politics affect children.

 

Explaining Negative Advertising to Kids:

Negative advertising from both parties can cause confusion and sometimes fear in children who may not understand the issues or the election process.

 

• Communicate – Even if politics aren’t a main topic of discussion in your household, children still hear about elections from advertising, social media, and other children at school. Talking about it not only helps to promote learning, but also lets you clarify any misconceptions your kids may have or calm any fears about the future.
• Try to Stay Balanced –When it comes to political matters, things can be tricky when trying to explain the issues to your children. You may have very strong opinions in regards to an election, but it’s important to tell your children why you feel that way. Encourage them to come to their own conclusions and defend their positions.
• Reiterate Respect – Regardless of your political affiliation, it is important that you set an example for your children to respect elected officials. Children grow up dreaming about one day becoming the President of the United States. Hearing their president called a liar or a cheat deludes the message that the position is honorable and worthy of aspiring to hold.
• Encourage Critical Thinking – In the same breath, it’s also important to encourage children to question the status quo and form evaluations about current policy making. Teach them that their conclusions and opinions are important and will drive their decision in voting when they come of age. Reiterate that their voice matters and that every vote counts.

 

Discussing Politics in Front of Children:

• Children are like sponges - they absorb everything around them and when figuratively squeezed about a topic, they will let whatever they heard from their parents flow out.

          For example, let’s say a parent calls one of the candidates a bad name in front of their        child. When the child goes to school and someone asks him or her what they think of        that candidate, chances are that bad name will come right out of their mouth.

 

• In the heat of an election season, strong feelings about tough issues can spark disagreements. Use the opportunity to show kids how to voice differences of opinion with respect, strength, and conviction.
• Say what you don't like about a candidate or his or her position and explain what you do like about your candidate of choice. Encourage your kids to do the same.
• Focus on the positive attributes of your candidate — talk about what you're for and your kids will, too.

 

Using Politics as a Positive Teaching Opportunity

• Encourage Involvement in the Issues- Many kids are quite interested in the issues facing the country right now. Taking action helps them feel empowered and effective, and builds problem-solving skills. Help kids think of what they can do. Talk about how small things can add up to make a big difference. Perhaps if the environment is of particular concern, maybe they'd like to find ways to help the family "go green" at home. Let your kids know that just like voting for a candidate can make a difference, so can working toward an issue that you'd like to change.
• Support Youth Political Involvement – Sometimes all of the political talk inspires children to run for office themselves. Student elections are a great opportunity to show your children that you believe in their dreams and will continue to be a person who supports them through their lives. Reiterate the importance of running an honorable campaign so that as they grow, they expect honesty from the politicians they vote for.
• Promote the Importance of Voting - Talking with your kids about important issues, the electoral process, and why voting is important not only provides them with a mini lesson on how government affects the world, but also shows that every person's opinion counts. Be a role model by setting a positive example that lets them know you value the right to vote. Bring them to vote with you if you can. If not, make sure they see you wearing your sticker proudly to help them grow up knowing that every vote counts.

 

To see the video clip of this discussion and other clips of Jim’s advice segments, visit Daniel’s You Tube page at http://bit.ly/OvpzAx.This particular clip should be available after 10/24/2012.

 

Resources: http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/voting_banner.html

 

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Recent school bullying and cyberbullying statistics show that one out of four kids are bullied. Victims of bullying are often scared to go to school, ride the bus, use the bathroom or even be alone in the hallway. During October’s National Bullying Prevention Month, licensed social worker and Daniel CEO Jim Clark sheds some light on this important issue.

 

Defining Bullying:

Naturally, bullying does include things like punching, shoving or hitting.  But it also includes:

 

• Spreading bad rumors about others
• Excluding people from a certain group
• Hateful and repetitive taunting
• Cyberbullying, which includes sending mean or threatening emails or text messages, as well as using social media to spread rumors or send mean messages.

 

Signs of Bullying:

Bruises or injuries are some of the more obvious signs that your child is being bullied, yet  be sure look for other warning signs your child might be displaying, including:

 

• Seeming anxious
• Getting upset more easily than usual
• Having trouble eating or sleeping
• Avoiding certain situations, like taking the bus to school

 

Combating Bullying:

Offer comfort and support to your child, no matter how upset you are about the situation.  Remind your child that he or she isn’t alone and that it’s the bully who is doing something wrong, not your child. Be there for your child and let him or her know that you will work together to figure out the best solution to the problem.

 

• Parents should first find out when the policies on bullying and physical violence are at your child’s school. 
• Then go to teachers, counselors and other school employees to make sure those policies are being enforced.
•  If you don’t get a response from the teacher, keep moving up the ladder to the principal to the school board and so forth. 
• If your child is being assaulted, then you need to notify the police.

 

Do NOT confront the bully’s parents or the bully himself.  The parents are likely to argue with you or assume your child is part of the problem.

 

 

Witnessing Bullying:

Your child may see other children being bullied. It’s important that you give your child realistic advice on how to help without getting him/her hurt in the process. Here are a few tactics to discuss:  

 

• Be a friend to the person being bullied. Children can help someone who’s been bullied by simply being nice to them at another time. Being friendly can go a long way toward letting them know that they’re not alone.
• Tell a trusted adult at school, like a teacher or coach. An adult can help stop bullying by intervening while it’s in progress, stopping it from occurring or simply giving the person being bullied a shoulder to lean on.
• Help the person being bullied to get away from the situation. However they do it, make sure the children know not to put themselves in harm’s way. A bystander can offer a way for the person being bullied to leave the scene by saying something like, “Mr. Smith needs to see you right now,” or “Come on, we need you for our game.”
• Set a good example. Do not bully others. If a child knows not to bully others, then other students will follow their example. To help even more, children can actively participate in anti-bullying activities and projects.
• Don’t give bullying an audience. If one of your child’s friends or peers begins to bully someone, they shouldn’t encourage the behavior by giving it an audience. Instead of laughing or supporting, they can let the bully know that his or her behavior isn't entertaining.

 

Stopping Your Own Bully:

Almost as difficult as helping your child overcome a bullying situation is discovering that your own child is a bully to others. This is critical to address as research shows that being a bully has long-lasting negative consequences.  Bullies are more likely to be involved in fighting, vandalism, skipping school or dropping out and stealing. A study found that boys who are identified as bullies in middle school were four times more likely to be convicted of a crime by the time they were 24-years old.  Here are a few things to keep in mind as you address the situation:

 

• Talk to your child about his behavior and don’t accept any kind of excuses. 
• You need to let your child know he is responsible for the choices made and must accept the consequences.
• You may need to request a meeting with your child’s teacher or guidance counselor to find more about the situation because your child might not be telling you everything.
• You do need to punish your child, but be careful not to belittle him. 
• You may also need to seek some type of counseling for your child because he/she may be bullying because of a problem he/she has.

 

To see video clips of this WJXT segment and segments on other child-rearing strategies visit Daniel’s You Tube site at http://bit.ly/OvpzAx.

 

Resources: http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/

http://www.mychildsafety.net/effects-of-bullying.html

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/bullies.html#

http://www.focusas.com/Bullying.html

http://www.schoolfamily.com/school-family-articles/article/819-if-your-child-is-the-bully

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/81890/what_to_do_if_your_child_is_a_bully_pg2.html?cat=

http://www.life123.com/parenting/tweens-teens/bullying/school-bullying.shtml

http://www.stopbullying.gov/respond/be-more-than-a-bystander/index.html

http://www.a4kclub.org/get-the-facts/bullying-statistics

 

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New Topic

 

Popcorn’s Story is the poetic tale of one Giraffe’s journey to finding his unique purpose in life. Full of hope and innocence, Popcorn’s imaginative adventure will surely leave hoof prints on your heart. Audiences, young and old, are capable of self discovery in-between the lines of Popcorn’s Story. 

 

Click here to purchase Popcorn's Story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author:

Taylor Elyse Freeman was born and raised in Katy, Texas by a loving and extensive Texan family. At the age of 18, she moved to Baton Rouge, Louisiana where she received a Bachelor of Science in Art Education from The Louisiana State University. After graduation, Taylor moved across the south to Tallahassee where she studied Art Therapy at Florida State University. Since 2011, Taylor has made herself a home in Jacksonville. She works as an Art Therapist with children and families in crisis at Daniel Memorial, the oldest non profit children’s agency in Florida. She is in love with the city of Jacksonville, passionate about her career, and grateful for the children she works with each day. “I could not be the person I am today without the enduring support of my large family and many close friends, all around the country. Their unconditional love and acceptance allows me to take on my own journey without fear.”

 

This is Taylor’s premier children’s book, of which she is both author and illustrator. She hopes that Popcorn’s Story will empower others to find purposeby looking outward; by lending their hearts to someone in need.

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New topic

The New York Board of Health recently approved Mayor Bloomberg’s plan to restrict the sales of sugary soft drinks to no more than 16 ounces a cup in restaurants, movie theaters, stadiums and arenas. This ruling is one of latest of many such rulings that have passed in New York in efforts to stave off obesity. Jim Clark, licensed social worker and CEO of Daniel, Florida’s oldest child-service agency, offers insight on obesity trends in children and how parents can help kids eat healthier.

Defining Childhood Obesity:

 

• Diagnosing obesity usually starts with charting a person’s BMI, or body mass index which is basically a person’s weight in relation to their height.
• Children’s BMIs are usually charted by their pediatricians, though there are plenty of internet sites out there that have calculators.
• Because kids are still growing, a BMI is certainly not the only indicator parents and doctors should look at, but it’s a good place to start.
• Generally if a child’s BMI is between the 5^th and 85^th percentile for their age they are considered a normal, healthy weight; those that are in the 85^th to 94^th percentile are considered overweight; and those in the 95^th percentile and higher are considered obese.

 

Understanding Childhood Obesity Issues:

• According to the federal government’s Task Force for Child Obesity, over the past three decades obesity rates have tripled.
• Now 1 in 3 kids in America is considered to be obese or overweight. In the African American and Hispanic population that 33% jumps to about 40%
• Unless we stop the trend of childhood obesity, experts predict 1/3 of children born in the year 2000 or later will suffer from diabetes at some point in their lives.
• Other potential hazards include:

          - heart disease

          - high blood pressure

          - asthma

          - sleep apnea

          - social discrimination or self-esteem issues

 

Reducing the Risks of Childhood Obesity:

• Watch Portions and Snacking

          - If you go back thirty years ago- the portions were much smaller.

          - If you’ve ever traveled to foreign countries you’ll find much smaller portions there as well.

          - There is no need to super-size at fast-food restaurants or at home.

• Control Snacking

- Snacking between meals  thirty years ago was an occasional or perhaps once per day treat.

- Now kids average three snacks per day, with 1 in 5  school-age children having six snacks each day. That could add 200 calories or more to your children’s diets.

- Snacking can be very good for your child throughout the day to keep his/her blood sugar at a constant, but only if meals are smaller and you are giving your child good choices for snacks.

- Fresh fruit, small portions of nuts or cheese and crackers are good choices.

 

 

• Drink Water

          -Sugary, soft drinks are of zero nutritional value for your children. They are chock full of calories, many have caffeine which isn’t the best idea and they do damage to teeth.    

          - Does that mean your child should NEVER have a soda? No.

          - However, the older your child is when he/she discovers it as an occasional treat the better, and it should be just that – a treat at birthday parties or special occasions.

          - When your children do have soda- make sure it’s a small size.

- Also watch out for juices. Juices and sport drinks have a tremendous amount of sugar and calories.

          - Limit your child’s intake of juices or simply blend a ½ cup of juice to a ½ cup of water

• Exercise and Limit Screen Time

          - Eight to 18-year-olds spend an average of 7.5 hours each day in front of entertainment media, whether that be TV, video games, or cell phones.

          - Limit screen time in your household. Two hours (for non-school work) is generous.   

          - Enroll your child in sports, take family walks, swim at the beach or pool. Just get moving.

• Set a good example as a parent. Make sure you are modeling behavior you want to foster in your children.

 

Remember, much of eating right, just comes down to good basic decisions. Schools are offering better choices. Parents have the control to buy more fresh foods and less processed and junk foods. If it isn’t in the house, kids will have to make healthy choices at least while they’re at home. Many restaurants now list calories on their menu or highlight healthy choices.

 

 

Sources: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/childrens-health/HQ01107

http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/GettingHealthy/HealthierKids/HowtoMakeaHealthyHome/Tips-for-Dealing-With-a-Picky-Eater_UCM_303811_Article.jsp

http://www.sfgate.com/business/bloomberg/article/NYC-Health-Panel-Backs-Bloomberg-Ban-on-3873805.php#ixzz26yQeMCVb

 

http://www.letsmove.gov/

 

 

 

 

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Students from elementary school to college, deal with a variety of pressure from many different sources. But what happens when a child is pushed too far? On average in the United States, every two hours of every day, a teen ends his or her life. Melissa Witmeier, project coordinator for Daniel’s Florida Youth Suicide Prevention Project, offers information about the problem of adolescent suicide and how it affects youth in our community.

Understanding Suicide On the First Coast:

In 2011, a study found that in Duval County alone, 1 in 5 high school students thought about suicide, and about 1 in 9 made an attempt of suicide. In comparison to the state of Florida statistics, Duval County have many more youth that are thinking about dying.

Since 2009, Daniel has worked with the University of South Florida to research suicide prevention efforts in our community and identify youth aged 10 through 24 that are thinking about suicide and link them to services in our community. Since we received the grant three years ago, we‘ve educated nearly 3,000 people in suicide warning signs, risk factor and intervention techniques to help as many people as possible. Also, we’ve seen combined youth and adult suicide attempts drop in Duval County, though that could be from a variety of factors.  With that said, we have seen an increased rate in Nassau, Clay and St. Johns Counties.  

The Project has recently been funded again to help all of Northeast Florida as well as Tampa and Miami- with the goal of teaching at least 4,000 more people how to identify a person at risk for suicide and help prevent youth from taking their own lives.

Identifying Suicide Warning Signs:

Any person, if they engaged, can notice suicide danger.  It very important for parents, teachers, siblings or a best friend to pay attention and take notice of changes a person may be going through.

• In 90 percent of suicide deaths, there was a mental illness involved such as depression.
•  Suicidal behavior is also triggered by situational events like a break-up, illness, job loss, or bad grades.

Three major warning signs:

1)  Person feels like they are a burden.

2)  Person feels a profound sense or alientation, isolation or loneliness. 

3) Person may begin to engage in risky behavior. 

Other issues to note:

• Many people only think of depression as the main warning sign of suicide and don’t think of its counterpart - aggression and irritability. Again, some of this behavior is normal for teens, but the time to be concerned is if there is a sudden change in behavior. (If you find your teen frequently telling you or others close to them to “leave them alone,” your radar should go up).
• Listen  to what a person is saying. Statements like “I just can’t take it anymore.” Or “Life isn’t worth living.” Or “I want to die.” If you hear these statements, it is important to take it very seriously and explore what is causing the person to raise a red flag.  People do not make statements like this unless they are in serious emotional or physical pain.

Take these signs seriously and any teens who are listening, if a friend or sibling confides in you about their thoughts of suicide and asks you to promise not to tell an adult – do NOT make or keep that promise.

Getting Kids At-Risk Help:

If parents or guardians think they are observing some of these warning signs, they must address the issue with their teen.

• Let your teen know you are concerned and you want to help.
• Don’t be afraid to ask direct questions. Talking about suicide does not cause suicide.
• Give them a chance to talk. Even if communication is strained between you and your teen, be persistent and reinforce the message that you care and that there is hope.
• The next step is getting the professional help of a counselor.
• This all steps up a notch if you catch your teen in the act of a suicide attempt or feel there is immediate danger. If this is the case do NOT leave your teen alone.  
• You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK , 1-800-SUICIDE, or take the teen to an emergency room. If the teen is refusing help, call 911 to have a police officer evaluate the person.

Offering Hope to Those Who Have Lost Loved Ones to Suicide:

• The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and Florida Youth Suicide Prevention Project will hold a special candlelight vigil to spread awareness about suicide prevention and to give hope to people who have lost a loved one to suicide on Friday, September 14 at Latham Plaza in Jacksonville Beach.
• There will be a picnic, where people can bring their own food, at 6 p.m. and the candle lighting at 7:30 p.m.
• It’s a free community event

 

While the start of another school year can be an exciting time for students and parents alike, anticipation of the first day can cause some children to be nervous about heading back to the classroom. Licensed social worker and Director for Daniel’s youth independent living program, Shelly Davalos offers advice on how to prepare your children for the first day of school and make the most of the remainder of the school year.

Alleviating First-day-of-school Jitters :

Most kids have at least a slight case of jitters on the first day back to school. Whether it’s the anticipation of seeing friends for the first time in months, concerns about new teachers, or making a transition to middle or high school, each school year brings a set of unknowns for children of any age.

1. Talk to Your Child – Parenting and relationships in general are all about communication. Talk to your child about the fun experiences they had last year in school or describe to them what school will be like if you have a first timer. 
2. Wear Your Child Out Before Bed Time - Doing activities like swimming or biking are great ways to get your child tired earlier than normal; going to bed early will help stop the nervousness at night as they try to go to sleep.
3. Reward Your Child at the End of the First Day –Whether it’s going out to dinner as a family, baking cookies or going to the park, giving your child something to look forward to at the end of their first day can relieve jitters as well.
4. Plan Ahead of Time
   1. Equip your children with an emergency number list.
   2. Go over their transportation routes to and from school.
   3. You and your children should pack their backpacks with lunch money and all their school supplies the night before.
   4. You and your children should also select an outfit for the first day of school together and set it out the night before.

Making the Transition to Middle or High School:

• Educate yourself as a parent and have open communication with your children about different challenges they may face as they venture into the unknown territory of middle or high school.
• As nervous as you may be for them, you should make sure you don’t project your anxiety onto your children.
• If your children are feeling anxious, reassure them that after a few weeks, they’ll get used to their new school and have the opportunities to grow and learn.

 

Transition to Middle School. Parents must understand that their middle-schoolers will be going through many emotional, physical and intellectual spurts – ones that are often UNappreciated by adults. Children will start 'pushing the envelope' to see what boundaries the school and the parent will set. You will also likely see children placing a much higher importance on their peers, rather than their families for awhile. Remember that this is natural.

 

Transition to High School. Transitioning from middle school to high school may provide additional stress and reluctance on the part of parents. In addition to becoming acclimated to a new school setting, incoming freshmen may embrace the misguided philosophy that because of their "young adult" status, they do not need as much parental guidance. This is quite the contrary. Students, at this stage in their education, need parental support even more. Additionally, it is imperative that parents stand firm on their rules and regulations for their students, even if other parents are allowing other students to do other things. That firm foundation will actually make the frightening high school years less stressful for both the parents and the students.

Create Resolutions for the New School Year:

While the first week of school can be more about acclimating to a new environment, the rest of the school year is dedicated to academics, creativity, physical fitness and a slew of other areas important to children as they grow. At the beginning of the school year, you and your children should make scholastic resolutions, similar to New Year’s resolutions. Yet unlike many people’s New Year’s resolutions . . .  you should really strive to keep these standards throughout the year:

• Get enough sleep. – A regular, healthy sleep schedule will help your children get into a routine and allow them to have the proper amount of rest to focus in their classes.
• Eat healthy. – Eating a healthy breakfast allows children to fuel up for their day. It’s also important to make sure your children are eating well at lunchtime, too. Getting your children into healthy habits at a young age also helps them to maintain those habits throughout adulthood.  
• Use good work habits.  – Some school require the use of planners, but even if they don’t, encourage organizational tools to help kids stay on top of assignments, homework and class schedules.  At home, you should set aside a place and time for your children to do homework as well. This will get them established in a routine and give them a system to work from during the year.
• Balance Extracurricular Activities. – Balancing sports, drama, youth groups and other extra curricular activities can be challenging, especially if your child wants to be involved in multiple activities. Make sure that your children aren’t overloading themselves and always reiterate that schoolwork comes first.
• Try your best. – Naturally, grades are important, but the underlying philosophy of simply getting kids to try their best on every assignment is even more important.

Sources:

http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/school/back_to_school.html#

http://voices.yahoo.com/how-deal-back-school-nervous-feelings-3883616.html?cat=25

 

 

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New Topic

Most people don’t realize that the first Sunday in August is International Friendship Day. The tradition of dedicating a day in honor of friends began in United States in 1935. While it may sound like a Hallmark holiday, it’s a great opportunity to explore the topic of friendship. Licensed social worker and president and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, explains the importance of friendships in childhood and how to help children make and maintain relationships with their peers…

Sometimes finding friends can be tough on children for a variety of reasons. It’s heartbreaking when your child comes home from school one day and says he or she doesn’t have any friends and that nobody likes them. As much as you’d like to step in, you simply can’t make friends for your children. You can, however, give them the tools they need to be social and to be a good friend.

Benefits of Making Friends as a Child

Children are born with an innate need to attach or be in a relationship. Every child is different, but friends are vital to school-age children's healthy development. Research has found that children who lack friends can suffer from emotional and mental difficulties later in life.

Friendship allows children to:

• Develop emotionally and morally.
• Learn many social skills, such as how to communicate, cooperate, and solve problems.
• Practice controlling their emotions and responding to the emotions of others.
• Develop the ability to think through and negotiate different situations that arise in their relationships.

Overall, the quality of your relationships is more important than the specific number of friends you have. As children grow into adults, they will celebrate good times with friends and lean on them during bad times. Friends will prevent loneliness and give them a chance to offer needed companionship, too.

How to Help Your Children Find Friends

Parents need to treat the situation delicately if they see their youngster not developing socially. Above all, you don’t want to make your child feel even more alienated by confronting him or her about their lack of friends.

• Offer a variety of opportunities for play and socializing. Host friends over for play dates or lunch. See if you can participate in a carpool and sign-up your child for group activities such as art, drama, sports or religious youth groups. Exposing your child to different areas of play will help him or her learn to socialize.
• Provide support to your child. This may seem easy, but how often do you really listen to your children? Pick up on their social cues by listening to what they say happened on the playground. Support your child’s choice of friends and welcome them to your home. Try getting to know her friends and their parents.
• Stay balanced when things are hard. Go ahead and empathize with your child’s pain, but keep it in perspective. Making friends is a lifelong process and will of course have its ups and downs. Those ups and downs can become especially intense during teenage years. Understand that friends can be inconsistent during these years as teens deal with a slew of issues during their maturation. If you pick up on a serious issue, such as bullying, be sure to take action to protect your child.
• Perhaps most importantly, you need to show your child how to be a good friend and make friends. The best way is to model the behavior you would like to see.

Navigating the Tween Social Scene

 

By the time a child enters middle school, friendship problems may begin to present themselves in new ways. Friendships at this point in life are so important, because tweens are preparing to pull away from their parents, and they need the acceptance and support of their friends as they do.

• Don’t Push Popularity - Be careful that you don't push your tween to join a certain group of friends, or take part in certain "cool" activities because you think they'll be happier that way. Allow your tweens to discover activities that they enjoy, and to choose friends who are supportive of them and provide a positive influence.
• Keep Your Tween Active - Keeping your tweens involved in activities is a good way for them to make friends with similar interests, as well as expand their circle of friends. Balance keeping htem active and keeping them overcommitted that they don’t have down time.
• Be a Good Listener – Again, listen to your child everyday as he or she talks about school, the bus, sports, or parties. Attentive listening will provide you with a lot of information about his or her friends and their behavior.
• Help Identify Good/Bad Friends - The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate – for the good and the bad. Helping your child identify qualities that denote a good or a bad friend will help them become a better judge of character as they grow. Unless the person is a dangerous influence, don’t take too harsh a stance because often with teens it might draw them closer to that person.
• Encourage Diversity - Social groupings are just a part of life. Some people call them cliques, others call them pods, but whatever you call them, it's important to help your tween blend socially, without sacrificing his or her individuality.

 

 

http://www.friendshipday.org/

http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Helping_Children_Make_Friends/

http://tweenparenting.about.com/od/socialdevelopment/a/TweenFriends.htm

http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/pdffiles/fy/fy54500.pdf

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NEW TOPIC

As a coastal community, the First Coast offers plenty of opportunities for children and families to have fun in the sun, but with the sizzling season in full swing, there are plenty of dangers that become more pressing this time of year. With kids out of school, they are spending more time at the beaches, in pools and even on the roads. Licensed social worker and president and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark offers the following advice on handling summertime dangers . . . 

Preventing Drowning:

In Florida, drowning surpasses all other causes of death to children age 14 and under. It is important to keep these things in mind when at the beach and the pool:

• Keep Your Eyes on the Kids. – Never leave a child unsupervised in or around water, not even for a second. Over one quarter of all drowning incidents occurs in swimming pools with adults present, but otherwise preoccupied.
• Teach your children to swim.  – Learning to swim is important for all children’s safety. Before your child is fully capable of swimming, make sure they are fully supervised in the water. Remember, arm floaties or baby floats are meant to be used to make children feel more secure when you are in the water with them, they are NOT intended as life saving floatations.
• Watch conditions at the beach. –Aside from keeping your eyes on your kids, you should also be able to recognize and teach them about rip currents and tidal conditions at the beach as well as the proper way to handle them. For instance, if you are caught in a riptide- you should swim parallel to the shore until you are outside of the current.
• Use U.S. Coast Guard approved personal flotation devices (PFD) while participating in open water sports and recreation. – Wearing your PFD is a rule often overlooked. When boating or water skiing, you should have your children wear the PFD and set a good example by wearing one yourself.
• Install fencing around pools. –This is especially important if your children are infants and/or cannot swim. Installing a fence with a self-closing and self-latching gate around your pool will create an extra barrier of protection between your child and unsupervised swimming.
• Install alarms on all doors and windows leading to the pool. – Along with fencing your pool, it’s also smart to alarm the entryways to the pool.
• Learn Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR). – In the event that a child is a victim of drowning, it’s important for you to be prepared as the adult.Besides preventative action, learning CPR is the best way you can prepare yourself for this emergency situation.
  
  

Managing Sun-Related Dangers

 Sun-related dangers include sunburn, dehydration and heat illness. If correct measures aren’t taken to protect your children, a day out in the sun can turn sour quickly. Make sure your children know how to be sun safe:

• Apply and Reapply Sunscreen –What matters most in a sunscreen is the degree of protection from UV rays it provides. When faced with the overwhelming sea of sunscreen choices at drugstores, concentrate on the SPF (sun protection factor) numbers on the labels. Select an SPF of 30 or higher. And, if you are going to be in and out of the water, make sure it’s waterproof. 
• Reapply Sunscreen - The other key to sunscreen is the reapplying of it . . . it should be reapplied a minimum of every 2 hours, as recommended by the American Academy of Dermatology.
• Cover Up – We know the advice is often to use long-sleeved shirts and/or long pants, but that’s not always realistic. When it’s not- at least consider a hat.
• Drink Lots of Water –When you’re sweating, that fluid needs to be replaced. It’s important to stay consistently hydrated. If your child is complaining of thirst, then he or she may already be dehydrated. Also, prepare before you spend a lot of time outside or engage in physical activity by drinking extra water and drinking at regular intervals throughout the day.
• Schedule Time in the Shade – Between the sun and the heat, it’s important to schedule sun breaks into your day. For all-day outdoor affairs, bring along a wide umbrella or a pop-up tent to play in. You can even call ahead to a park or pool to see if they have a shaded area to eat lunch or play a board game at for part of your day.

Adhering to Bike Safety:

Over the summer months, we have more children on the road whether it’s on a bicycle or behind the wheel of a car. While driving-aged teens go through tests to receive their licenses, younger kids travel on bicycles and may not know the rules of the road. You can teach your kids these rules for biking safely:

• Always wear your helmet. Many bike accidents involve an injury to the head, and a crash could mean serious trouble for the biker. Plus, it’s the law. Florida's bicycle helmet law requires all children under 16 to wear a "bicycle helmet that is properly fitted and is fastened securely upon the passenger's head by a strap."
• Ride on the RIGHT side of the street in the same direction as the traffic. Never ride against traffic.
• Try to use bike lanes or designated bike routes whenever you can. In some places, it's illegal to ride on the sidewalk.
• Always stop and check for traffic in both directions when leaving your driveway, an alley, or a curb. Some people in cars just don't see cyclists. Watch traffic closely.
• Stop at all stop signs and obey red lights just as cars do. Take special care at intersections. It's a good idea to walk your bike across busy intersections using the crosswalk and following traffic signals.
• If you're cycling with friends, ride single file.
• Never change direction or change lanes without first looking behind you and using the correct hand signals. That way everyone knows where you're going.
• If you ride when it's dark, be sure to have reflectors on your bike and a battery-operated headlight.
• Don't wear headphones while biking — you need to hear what's going on around you.

Sources:

http://www.wee-swim.com/ISRDocs/ISR_Statistics.pdf

http://www.doh.state.fl.us/chdbrevard/OPI/DrownPrev.html

http://kidshealth.org/parent/firstaid_safe/outdoor/sun_safety.html#

http://kidshealth.org/parent/firstaid_safe/emergencies/dehydration.html

http://kidshealth.org/teen/safety/safebasics/bike_safety.html?tracking=83970_C

http://www.injurylawservice.com/faqs/what-are-the-florida-bicycle-helmet-laws.cfm

 

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The Fourth of July always brings talk of fireworks, cookouts and of course, celebrating our country’s independence.  In the spirit of independence, licensed social worker and president and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, discusses another form of independence — getting your children prepared to become socially and financially independent adults.

Independence can make an empowering difference in the lives of kids.  You need to keep in mind that your general job as parents is to prepare your kids to leave you successfully and become self-reliant adults.

Personal Care Skills

It sounds simplistic, but school-age children, tweens and teens should know how to take care of themselves physically. 

• This includes everything from regular bathing, to making sure they eat regularly to getting enough sleep. 
• As always, make the responsibility tasks you encourage are age appropriate for the child.
• For toddlers, give them tasks and the time to do it. Plan a little longer before you leave so they can tie their own shoes. Ask them to pack a snack or book for the trip. It will empower them and start fostering independence.
• Elementary school kids should be helping with or making with their school lunches and seeing to their own breakfasts.
• Middle schoolers and teens should have their own alarm clocks and be responsible for getting themselves up and ready for school.

Household Responsibilities

Too often, well-intended parents continue to take care of all their kids’ basic household necessities. From picking up stray backpacks, towels and shoes —often because it’s simply easier to do it — to handling all of their laundry, complete with putting it away  in their drawers.

From little kids to teens, as parents we need to take it up a notch adding more real life responsibilities, including cleaning, laundry and cooking. Parents DO need to take the time to teach the skill and new jobs with their children at first, but as long as you do that and keep things age appropriate, you are not only reducing YOUR work, but most importantly slowly preparing them for life on their own.

For example, elementary school kids should be able to make their beds, at least get clothes to their hamper and even separate laundry with you. Even when you take them food shopping with you, look for teachable moments. Show them how to look for bargains or to tell if fruit is ripe or not when you shop. Teens should start doing more of their own loads of laundry, especially those involved in sports who need frequent uniform washings. You should also ease them into shopping and cooking- working with them at first and eventually having them become responsible for one family meal per week. You’ll find they not only take a great amount of pride in it, but also will appreciate your cooking more.

Becoming Financially Independent

There are a lot of things to keep in mind when teaching your children about money. If possible, you should teach them how to deal with money gradually from a young age, so that when the real world knocks on their doorstep, they will be as prepared as possible.

-          Teach them how to manage money. – Give them an allowance. This is the first step in teaching money management and independence.

-          Teach them about creating a budget. – Becoming aware of the money you earn and deciding where to allocate your spending is the foundation of financial independence. This can be done with allowance at first and also when they get a job.

-          Teach them to pay bills. –You need to show your children how to integrate bill paying. Even if they don’t have any bills on their plate yet, show them your bookkeeping process at home as an example.

-          Teach them about impulse buying. – Don’t let your children get into the habit of letting their earned money burn a hole in their pocket. Teach them to think out purchasing decisions and gain perspective on needs vs. wants. Even the youngest child who wants gum at the grocery check-out. Ask them if they truly want to spend a dollar on that, or would they prefer a game for a dollar at the dollar store.

-          Teach them to save for goal items. – Once they understand the dangers of impulse buying and debt, reiterate that saving money for goals is the most responsible and stress-free way to organize your finances. Whatever they make through allowance or jobs, encourage them to save at least ten percent of it.

 

 

http://zenhabits.net/10-lessons-to-teach-your-kids-about-money/

http://extension.psu.edu/elk/news/2011/helping-kids-achieve-financial-independence-avoid-the-boomerang-syndrome

http://www.sirc.org/publik/financial_independence.shtml

 

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NEW TOPIC

With Father’s Day, many of us are reflecting on what it means to be a good father to our sons and daughters. It’s not just about ties and homemade cards, but about raising happy and healthy kids. Licensed social worker and President and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, discusses what it means to be a good father.

Being a Good Role Model

When you become a dad, you suddenly have an audience. From a very young age, your children are watching you to learn how to live. Both your sons and daughters will learn from you how a real man lives.

Fathers should ask themselves two questions:

• Am I being a positive role model?
• Am I walking the walk? – Are my words, actions, attitudes and emotions what I want my kids to see and emulate? When you tell your son how important honesty is and then he hears you tell a white lie, which message do you think sinks in? When you tell your kids to respect their elders and they hear you speak rudely to your in-laws, which lesson will they remember?

As dads, you have extraordinary power in modeling. But you need to make sure that when you say, “follow me,” you know exactly where you’re going.

• Be mindful of the eyes that are watching you and model intentionally.
• By modeling responsibility, respect and integrity, you can show your kids the true meaning of being a man. Your son will watch the way you treat women and imitate those behaviors and attitudes. Your daughter will learn what to expect in a partner based on how she sees you interact with women. This is your chance to counter any negative societal messages that our kids encounter. 

Making Time for Your Kids

Your presence is the best present you can ever give your children. Here are simple ways to make the time you spend with them count:

• Turn off the phone and TV.
• Eat dinner as a family.
• Communicate - Use the time to ask your kids, “what would you do if…” and then fill in with some sort of dilemma. It can be a serious moral problem but it can also be something funny.
• Talk to your kids but more importantly, listen.

Talking to Your Children

Encouragement is one of the greatest strengths you can bring to your family because fathers have the power to instill confidence.

• Pay attention to how you talk to your children—not only the words but also tone and volume.
• Make every effort to be positive and avoid being even mildly sarcastic or degrading.
• Speak to your kids with respect. You should expect respect from them, but be sure to return it. This goes back to the modeling thing but it also sets you up for a better relationship as they transition to adulthood.

 

 

Maintaining Good Relationships (for Dads Who Don’t Live with their Kids Full-time)

Due to divorce, business travel or deployment, some fathers don’t live with their children full-time. If you’re one of those dads, here are a few things you can do to foster enduring, positive relationships with your kids:

• Keep your promises. This creates stability during a time of uncertainty. Each broken promise, no matter how small, reduces their trust in you a little bit and can really erode the relationship over time. So, think before you speak, and do everything you can to keep your word.
• Speak respectfully of their mother. Cutting her down lowers you in the long run. Help them honor her as their mother. Work out disagreements in private.
• Explain why you’re leavingand what you hope to accomplish when you’re away.
  • Find ways to stay in touch while you're apart. Schedule regular times for phone calls, so everyone is available and expects your call. Be creative and find new ways to connect such as skype, postcards, etc.
  • Put some planning into your re-entry back home. For Dad’s who have left short-term, say for business travel, the first few minutes after you walk in the house can make a big difference. Save discipline issues and until later. For those who have been gone longer-term, say for deployment, remember the household was operating successfully in a certain way without you, changing everything abruptly when you return isn’t good for anyone - go slow. 

 

Offering Words of Wisdom

Every father should pick a few words of wisdom he wants his child to always remember and carry into the future. Here are a few suggestions for great lifelong lessons to pass along:

• Teach the “golden” words: Please, Thank you, and I’m sorry. Teach them to your kids, and use them yourself.
• Stress the importance of education and knowledge as a lifelong endeavor.
• Teach your kids to set their goals high and that you will be there for them no matter the outcome.

Sources:

http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=555&Itemid=150

http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1119&Itemid=56

http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1103&Itemid=56

http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1084&Itemid=56

http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=217&Itemid=56

 

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NEW TOPIC

 

Although June 1 marks the official beginning of hurricane season, Tropical Storm Beryl gave the First Coast a preview of the power that comes along with these storm systems. With any natural disaster comes a very important question: How do I protect my family? Facing the unknown is frightening for anyone, but even more so for young children who have limited understanding of the world around them. Licensed social worker and President and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, discusses how to prepare children for natural disasters and what your family can do to stay safe in the face of forces beyond our control.

Help Children Understand Natural Disasters

The first thing to keep in mind when talking to your children about disasters like hurricanes and tornadoes is that children usually fear what they don’t know.

-          Encourage children to ask questions – Their questions will help you understand what they already know about the situation and allow you to give child-friendly answers to those specific questions. Make it clear that you’re open to talking about whatever they bring up.

-          Give children the facts – Use simple words to explain what has happened. Explain that it can be scary for everyone, but that adults do their best to keep children safe.

-          Respect children’s concerns – If children tell you that they are afraid of something, validate their fears. Let them know it’s okay to be afraid or concerned.

-          Offer comfort – Children often take their cues from you; when you react, they react. Try to model a sense of calm. Answer even repeated questions honestly and simply. Reassure children that they are safe with you and that you will take care of them.

-          Monitor media use – Avoid having children watch or see repeated images of troubling events, such as a natural disaster and its damage. Younger children might think that the event is happening over and over.

-          Empower children by thinking about ways you can help others – Put together a lemonade stand or a bake sale in your community or school to donate the proceeds to organizations providing aid to the affected areas. Helping others will not only help children learn about empathy, it also shows that there are people that will be there to help during tough times.

How to Prepare for Fire

Fire safety is often is just assumed because kids have fire drills in school, but it needs to be reviewed at least twice a year at home.

-          Have a family meeting – Preparation is power. Talking to your kids openly about their fears will help to alleviate them. Have an escape plan and practice it with your family.

-          Escape Plan – Find two ways out of every room in case one way is blocked by fire or smoke. Practice escaping by both routes. NEVER go back into a burning building for any reason. If someone is missing, tell the firefighters.

-          Eliminate Dangers – Don't let your children play with matches and lighters.

-          Test Smoke Detectors – Show your children the smoke detectors and test them together every month. Let them hear what the loud, piercing alarm sounds like so they can recognize it in an emergency.

-          Don’t Hide – Make sure your children know that in case of fire: don’t hide, go outside! Fires are scary, but you should NEVER hide in closets or under beds when there is a fire.

-          Review Fire Safety – To escape during a fire; Fall & Crawl. It is easier to breath in a fire if you stay low while getting out. If your clothes are on fire; Stop, Drop, and Roll until the fire is out.

 

How to Prepare for Natural Disasters

 

1. Meet with your family and discuss why you need to prepare for disaster. Explain the dangers of severe weather and fire to the children, and plan to share responsibilities and work together as a team.  It’s important for them to overcome fear through education and know where to get their information from – you.
2. Families can cope with disaster by preparing in advance. Create a family disaster plan including a communication plan, disaster supplies kit, and an evacuation plan. Knowing what to do is your best protection and your responsibility.
3. After your plan is set, be sure to practice the plan so your children feel comfortable with their responsibilities and you feel comfortable that they know what to do in case of an emergency.

 

Sources:

www.ready.gov

http://www.rainier-redcross.org/images/RedCrossSesameStreetHelpingChildrenUnderstandDisaster.pdf

http://www.firesafetyforkids.org/parents.html

 

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NEW TOPIC

 

The social media world can be a wealth of information and quick communication, but it can also bring up a host of issues for children and teens. One survey by Consumer Reports found that as many as 7.5 million kids on Facebook are younger than 13, and 5 million are as young as 10 years old or under. Licensed social worker and President and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, offers insight on how social media can affect social behavior in children.

Social media is not something to be demonized. Sites like Facebook, Twitter and Google Plus are all designed to help us better connect with the world around us like never before. The problem is that these sites aren’t necessarily designed to be used by children.  About 46% of online 12-year-old kids visit social networking sites, and that jumps to 62% at age 14. As with any subject when it comes to parenting, it’s important to have a dialogue with your children about the dangers of social media.

Benefits of social media

• Social media can bring a sense of community and communication among kids while building a technology-literate generation for a technology-based world.
• Teens also have easy access to reliable health information and education online.
• Schools are even utilizing social media as a learning tool or a way to collaborate during projects.

What we have to remember is that relatively speaking social media is still new, and we’re still learning how to moderate and monitor our children’s interaction and experiences with this form of communication.

Risks of social media

As far as the risks of social media go, research shows a number of ways it can hinder children’s ability to relate to others:

• Desensitization – The problem with these sites is that the kids think they are interacting socially with others when they are not, which can lead to desensitization – a kind of dulling of your ability to interact with people right in front of you.
• “Facebook Depression” – According to the American Academy of Pediatricians, both parents and pediatricians have begun to report “Facebook depression,” in which a teen becomes anxious and moody after spending a lot of time on the popular social networking site. These kids are often those who have trouble with social interactions in general. When they find that people aren’t responding to their posts or accepting their friend requests in the online world either, it can heighten their anxiety.
• R.A.P. – According to Jim Steyer, a specialist in media and families, notes that children face the triple peril, he nicknames R.A.P., which stands for Relationship issues, Attention and addiction problems, and Privacy issues. Social media really affects all three of factors, especially with kids.

How to Help Children Navigate Social Media

• Instruction – Parents need to think about the online world like they do the real world and give kids instruction to navigate it successfully. Take the time to set boundaries and help your children explore the internet with your guidance.
• Alternatives – There are other social media sites out there that specifically cater to children such as Club Penguin, which is a multiplayer game site designed for kids ages 6 to 14. Check out the healthychildren.org and the media-review site commonsensemedia.org for other ideas.
• Respect Restrictions – Age restrictions have been put in place on certain sites for a reason. For example, Facebook doesn’t allow users under the age of 13, and parents should respect that. Just because other parents are allowing their children to be connected through Facebook, doesn’t mean you have to. The other thing to consider is that in order to let your child onto these sites – you have to lie about their age and showing your kids it’s okay to lie is a bad precedent to set.

Socialize Outside of Social Media

• Stay Active
  • Plan family outdoor activities on a regular basis
  • Encourage your children to sign up for sports and/or social groups at school
  • Stay Connected – It’s important to stay connected as families by limiting the time your children are connected to social media sites.
    • Limit social media use to 30 minutes a day
    • Reserve computer time predominantly for homework
    • Ban smart phones at the dinner table

It’s not easy to navigate the online world, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that an open dialogue with your children is the best place to start on any issue.  When it comes to social media, letting your children know their limitations and boundaries will help them stay connected without becoming socially disconnected.

 

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NEW TOPIC

Each May, National Foster Care Awareness Month, provides an opportunity to raise awareness about what foster parents do and why they’re needed.  According to the statistics from the Florida Department of Children and Families March 2012 report, there are almost 20,000 children in out-of-home care in Florida. Thanks to the many advocates, child welfare professionals, elected officials and support groups around the country, the total number of children in foster care has decreased over recent years, but more help is needed.

 

Jim Clark, licensed social worker and president and CEO of Daniel, Florida’s oldest child-service agency, sheds more light on the foster care system here . . .

 

Who Needs Foster Care:

* Children who either don’t have parents or can’t presently live with their parents because of various issues going on in the home require foster care.

* Some of the most prevalent issues seen with kids taken into foster care are child neglect or parental drug abuse.

* A foster family can be a real lifeline for these kids in particular – without that resource they become wards of the state.

 

The Importance of Foster Care:

 

* No matter their age, all children in foster care need a meaningful connection to at least one caring adult who becomes a supportive and lasting presence in their lives. Without families or stable relationships, too many of these formerly neglected and/or abused children and teens will end up facing life’s challenges all alone.

* Child welfare issues arise in families of every race, ethnicity, culture and age group.

* A disproportionate percentage of children in foster care are children of color, particularly African American and American Indian. In addition, children of color in the child welfare system experience worse outcomes.

 

Older Foster Kids & the Age-Out Issue:

* Older youth are in most urgent need of attention. Nearly half of the young people in foster care are older than age 10.

* Aside from older kids needing foster homes, the foster care system also has problems with the “age-out” issue.

* What aging out means is- when foster kids turn 18, they are immediately seen as adults in the eyes of the state and foster parents no longer receive support for caring for them. Some foster parents still help, but others do not.

* The number of foster kids country-wide that “age-out” of the system each year is currently about 30,000.

* These young people exit foster care without the appropriate family connections, resources, mentorship, employment, skills or options they need to live independently.

 

* Fortunately, there are programs out there to help these young adults make the transition from foster care child to independent adult.

* For example, at Daniel, the Independent Living Village and Project Prepare provides the housing, support and training necessary to safely transition these teens to living independently as productive members of our community. The Daniel team teaches program participants enduring life skills including personal health and hygiene, how to obtain and maintain safe housing, how to comparative shop, how to make transportation arrangements, social skills, basic finance skills, banking and budgeting, job search skills, and employment stabilization.

* Daniel isn’t the only such program out there. The Youth Crisis Center here locally also has a program for young adults who need help transitioning at their Touchstone Village.

 

How You Can Help:

Throughout the nation, everyday people are serving as foster parents, relative caregivers, mentors, advocates, social workers and volunteers. Thanks to these unsung heroes, many formerly abused or neglected children and teens will either reunite safely with their parents, be cared for by relatives, or be adopted by loving families. All types of people are welcomed as foster families- you don’t have to be married or own a home. 

 

Foster parents must:

• Be able to provide a stable, nurturing home environment
• Have household income sufficient to meet current expenses (though they can count on receiving a small stipend from the state for child-related expenses and have the child’s medical expenses covered)
  • Be willing to have background checks done (for the safety of the child)
  • Own a reliable means of transportation with proof of insurance.
  • Complete a 30-hour foster parent preparation course (and for those willing to accept kids with more severe emotional issues an additional 30-hour therapeutic training course)

Even if you are not ready to be a fulltime foster parent- you can ask about training to become a respite foster parent to step in for select weekends when regular foster parents need a break.

 

Resources

 

http://www.fostercaremonth.org/Pages/default.aspx

 

http://adoption.about.com/od/fostering/a/fostcarechallen.htm

 

http://centerforchildwelfare.fmhi.usf.edu/kb/PerfData/Forms/AllItems.aspx

 

http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/programs/fostercare/

 

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NEW TOPIC

Dating as a Single Parent

 

Dating is hard enough, but when you are a single parent with kids- dating comes with a separate a whole other set of issues..You have to make sure your prospective dates are trustworthy, have good values and could ultimately be a good addition to your family. Of course these things take time to figure out, so lots of single parents struggle with what rules to follow when it comes to dating with children. Licensed social worker and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, offers a bit of advice to single parents who are dating to help them navigate their romantic lives in a way that makes it easier for their children

When Do I Introduce My Kids and My Date?

That is one of the most common and complicated questions. There is no set time frame on when you should introduce your new significant other to your kids. Obviously, you should be honest and let your kids know you are dating, but the healthiest choice for everyone involved is to wait to introduce the person you’re dating until you and your partner are in a committed relationship. There are some guidelines you can follow to help you determine when you’ve reached a good time for introductions:

• Look at the quality of your relationship- make sure there is a true commitment
• Be able to see your significant other as part of your family
• Have an open dialogue with your significant other about these possibilities and about meeting your children

What If It’s Too Hard to Wait That Long?

It can absolutely be challenging for single parents to wait for a while before introducing their new partner to their kids. This is especially true if you are the full-time single parent. Try to look at it as a fun challenge to find creative ways to date.

• Perhaps you meet for dates over your lunch breaks
• Or the two of you could grab coffee in the morning before work
• And of course, when possible enlist friends, neighbors and babysitters to watch your kids and then meet out for a date.

Why Is It Important to Wait for Introductions?

The main reason why it is important for single parents to wait is really to protect the children from a variety of possible emotions that they shouldn’t have to worry about until  they’re sure who they’re are dating will be around awhile. For example:

• Kids may  worry that you will forget about them or abandon them now that you have new love interest. By waiting until the right time, you are protecting your child’s sense of security.
• Your kids might become attached to the new person. Your child and date could really hit it off, so then what happens when it doesn’t work out? You don’t want to cause your child any unnecessary pain of separation.

No one complains that they let their dates meet their kids too late, but a lot of people regret letting their dates meet their kids too early.

What is the Best Way to Have a Face-to-Face Meeting?

 Once you and your new significant other have decided you are ready to bring the kids into the picture, there are some steps you can follow to make the process easy and hopefully fun for everyone.

• Before the introduction start a dialogue with your kids. Start by making your own statement of love and support your family. Then ask your kids what type of person or qualities they would want for you and what type of qualities they would want in someone who would be spending time with them and the family as a whole. When possible, relate some of their points to the qualities your significant other possesses.
• Plan a stress-free, kid friendly activity for the introduction. You could all go play miniature golf together or go out for pizza. Do something that is fun and quick so that the first conversations can be short and low-pressure.
• Gradually spend more unpressured time together. As opportunities arise, continue to have your kids and new partner spend more time together and get to know each other at their own pace.

Any More Advice for Dating as a Single Parent?

There are some other simple guidelines single parents can keep in mind as they venture into the world of dating and incorporating their kids into that world.

• Reassure your kids. Make sure they know your relationship with them will not change because of your new romantic relationship. Stick to this by not allowing your dating life to interfere with raising your kids. Don’t skip school activities or sporting events to go on dates.
• Let your child express his/her feelings about your dating. Listen to your children’s concerns and opinions about your dating. Don’t yell, judge or criticize their feelings. Keep the conversation open.
• Don’t force a relationship between your child and partner. Never force your child to meet or accept your love interest until they are ready. Of course you can expect your child to be respectful, but let the relationship develop at its own pace.
• Be a positive role model. This is especially true if you have pre-teen or teenage children. They are dealing with their own emotions and sexuality, so they don’t need to deal with yours too.
• Don’t allow your date to discipline. Until the relationship is more permanent, don’t let them have authority over your child. You set the boundaries for your children and teach them appropriate behaviors on your own.

The bottom line is that the relationship you have with your child will last forever, no matter what happens with your new relationship.

Sources:http://www.tinatessina.com/single_parents.html

http://singlemoms.eharmony.com/what-to-tell-your-kids-about-your-dating-life.html

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/datingandyourchildren/f/datingchildren.htm

http://singleparents.about.com/od/datingadvice/a/introducekids_2.htm

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NEW TOPIC

For almost 30 years, the government and activists have used April as a time to raise awareness about child abuse and take steps to prevent it. Jim Clark, licensed social worker & CEO of Daniel, Florida’s oldest child service agency, offers insight on the classic signs of child abuse and what you should do if you suspect it in a child you know.

 

A Look at Child Abuse Statistics:

 

• Approximately three million cases of child abuse and neglect involving almost 5.5 million children are reported each year, according to the AmericanAcademyof Pediatricians.
• Right here locally, if you take the average number of reported cases each year and break it down, it means every hour of every day there is a child that is being abused.
• Researchers have found that children who are abused are at an increased risk for many problems later in life, including depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, self-harm, suicidal tendencies, aggression and substance abuse.

 

Warning Signs of Child Abuse:

 

Teachers, since they are in frequent contact with children, are often aware of some of the signs that signal child abuse, but many of the rest of us are not. However, if you volunteer in your child’s school or are involved in athletic coaching or just notice something with a neighbor’s child that isn’t quite right, there are a few warning signs to note.

 

• One of the most obvious is unexplained injuries such as bruises or burns. If a child can’t provide a good explanation for the injury or the explanation seems far-fetched, such as a split lip from falling down the stairs, it might be a sign of abuse.
• Another sign of potential abuse is a change in behavior. Abused children often become scared, anxious, depressed and withdrawn. Changes in sleeping or eating patterns can be red flags also.
• An abused child may start doing poorly in school because of he can no longer concentrate.
• Also remember that child neglect is really a form of child abuse. That’s why it’s also important to look for a lack of personal care or hygiene.  Neglected children may be consistently dirty, have body odor and have insufficient clothing for winter weather. You may even see hunger as an issue.

 

If You Suspect Child Abuse:

 

• Try to assess the severity of the situation immediately.  If the child needs medical attention or you feel he is in immediate danger, call 911 right away.
• If the child is not in immediate danger, you can make a suspected child abuse call to the Florida Abuse Registry Hotline, which is 1-800-96-ABUSE. It is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Under Florida law, it is the duty of any person living in the state to report suspicion of child abuse.
• You will be asked some questions about the child and the situation, such as the child’s name and birthday, address, his parents’ names, the nature of the abuse and the identity of the abuser, if known.  The reporter’s name will be kept confidential.
• If a child actually tells you that he or she was abused, take this very seriously and proceed with the same steps to access the situation and report abuse.

 

What Happens Once Child Abuse Is Reported:

 

• In the case of child abuse, it’s better to be safe than sorry. If you reasonable suspect it, report it.
• After a call is made and the information taken down, the Florida Department of Children & Families assesses the information to determine if an investigation needs to be conducted. If there is NOT abuse in the household that will be revealed.
• Even if there are problems, it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the family unit.  DCF provides a wide range of services to families from parenting classes to child care.
•  In extreme cases, children are taken out of homes but that only happens after a thorough investigation has been conducted.

 

For more information on child abuse prevention, log onto news4jax.com or danielkids.org. 

 

Sources: http://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/at-home/pages/What-to-Know-about-Child-Abuse.aspx

http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/childabuse_signsofabuse.htm?gclid=CJvg-YTbzqcCFcZe2godZzLwDw

http://www.cpcsarasota.org/get-help/child-abuse-reporting-simplified

http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/programs/abuse/

 

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NEW TOPIC

Action News Teen Violence Segment: Monday-7:10 a.m. (March 12, 2012)

 

There were three incidents at First Coast area schools last week alone. The first was the Episcopal High School tragedy, where a teacher fired and then went back and murdered the Dale Regan, Head of School -- then killed himself.  Days later, a school in Yulee went on lockdown after a Facebook threat about a student brining a gun to school. There was no actual gun found in that incident, but the same day, a Terry Parker High School student was arrested for bringing a semi-automatic handgun to school.   Jim Clark, CEO of Daniel, Florida’s oldest child-care agency, and licensed social worker helps shed some light on today’s teens in terms of violence.

 

Studying the Statistics:

• School violence is obviously an overwhelming concern for everyone in our community right now. But the first thing to remember is that although the recent events are both chilling and tragic, statistically speaking, looking at violence and murder inJacksonvilleoverall – we were actually at a decade low last year.
• And when it comes specifically to teen violence and delinquency- according to 2011 reports by the department of juvenile justice, felony referrals among juveniles in Floirda declined by 11% with overall delinquency declining in 57 of 67 counties.
• Any amount of violence in the schools is troubling and tragic - as well as newsworthy - but it’s important for our community to know (especially if they draw comfort from it) that although we’ve had a flury of violent activty as of late that overall violence seems to be trending down.  What is trending up is the arrest rate for juveniles, which is part of the reason we’re hearing about it more.
• However, it is stunning and important to note some of the national data on violence in schools in particular. Nationally, schools now report over a quarter of a million students per month are being physically attacked during the school day, 950,000 students across the United States bringing weapons to school every month, and 160,000 kids missing school everyday due to bullying and school violence
• Also, a 2010 study supported by American Psychological Association Board of Educational Affairs  suggests that about half of all surveyed teachers experienced at least one form of victimization during the current or previous year. Teachers reported the highest rates were in terms of harassment/verbal abuse, followed by property offenses, and then physical violence. Students were the most common perpetrators of violence, but not the only perpetrators, as parents and colleagues also commit a substantial number of offenses.

 

 

Considering the Motivations:

• According to recent studies by the National Institute of Mental Health, the overwhelming response about why kids are bringing guns to school is for protection. Of course there are kids bringing guns to school who want to establish a "tough guy-gangster" image more than they want to shoot someone. Some kids report that this is the only way they feel they can gain respect. But over and over, kids say the main reason they bring guns to school is to protect them from real and/or potential violence. And in case anyone still thinks that school gun problems and school violence are an "urban problem," the most significant rise in school violence and school gun problems is taking place in the more well-to-do suburbs of our nation.
• The other thing to consider is the amount of violent messages that bombard our youths each day and what that desensitization may do. By age 12, the average child has witnessed tens of thousands of acts of violence on T.V. and games.
• While not all researchers agree, the Surgeon General reports that T.V. violence is linked to aggressive behavior in children who view violent shows. Similarly, American Medical Association, American Psychological Association, UNESCO, and US Attorney General, have all reached the conclusion is that T.V. violence is linked to the proliferation of violence in our culture.
• In terms of gaming, many multiplayer online games have real people taking the part of avatars, which means that fights are going on in real psychological space.
• That said, you can’t say gaming or TV violence are the direct cause of such violent behavior  . . . because opposing research has also shown that as video games have become more popular, children in the United States and Europe are having fewer behavior problems, are less violent and score better on standardized tests.
• What makes the most sense in the research I’ve read is the analogy  of  comparing violent video games to peanut butter – they are harmless for the vast majority of kids but are harmful to a small minority with pre-existing personality or mental health problems.
• A study that analyzed the effects of violent video games in a sample of 118 teenagers found teenagers who were highly neurotic, less agreeable and less conscientious tended to be most adversely affected by violent video games, whereas participants who did not possess these personality characteristics were either unaffected or only slightly negatively affected by violent video games.

 

Looking for Warning Signs

 

Identifying potential violent behavior is the first way to help prevent it . . . . Here are some tips from the American Psychological Association.

 

Factors that contribute to violent behavior include:

• peer pressure
• need for attention or respect
• feelings of low self-worth
• early childhood abuse or neglect
• witnessing violence at home, in the community or in the media
• easy access to weapons

 

Warning signs of Violent Behavior:

• loss of temper on a daily basis
• frequent physical fighting
• significant vandalism or property damage
• increase in use of drugs or alcohol
• increase in risk-taking behavior
• detailed plans to commit acts of violence
• announcing threats or plans for hurting others
• enjoying hurting animals
• carrying a weapon

 

The APA also said that when students were questioned about what they would do in a hypothetical situation where they suspected possible violence at school, that they would either do nothing or directly approaching the peer rather than tell an adult. This is likely a reflection of their developmental age and desire to assert their autonomy.

 

However, students really should not do this when they think violence may be a threat, but should instead go to parents or teachers or counselors with their concerns. Schools need make this easy… .with things like “do tell campaigns- telling isn’t tattling.”  Often zero tolerance policies, if not clearly explained to teachers or students can make students feel too nervous about approaching those in charge with their concerns.

 

Raising Kids to Resist Violence:

 

• Give your children consistent love and attention

          Behavior problems and delinquency are less likely to develop in children whose parents are involved in their lives, especially at an early age.

• Make sure your children are supervised

.         - Insist on knowing where your children are at all times and who their friends are.

          - Encourage your school-aged and older children to participate in supervised    after-school activities such as sports teams, tutoring programs, or organized

• Model  appropriate behaviors

          - Parents sometimes encourage aggressive behavior without knowing it. For     example, some parents think it is good for a boy to learn to fight. Teach your    children that it is better to settle arguments with calm words, not fists, threats, or weapons.

          - don't hit your children.

• Be consistent about rules and discipline

          - Parents should involve children in setting rules whenever possible.

          - Explain to your children what you expect, and the consequences for not  following the rules.

• Keep violence out of your home  

          - Work toward making home a safe, nonviolent place, and always discourage    violent behavior between brothers and sisters.

          - Try to keep your children from seeing too much violence in the media

                   * Limit television viewing time to 1 to 2 hours a day.

                   * Make sure you know what TV shows your children watch, which movies they see, and what kinds of video games they play.

                   * Talk to your children about the violence that they see on TV shows, in                            the movies, and in video games.

                   * Help them understand how painful it would be in real life and the                              serious consequences for violent behaviors.

• Support your children in standing up against violence.

          - Tell them how to report violence if they see it or suspect it

          - Help your children accept and get along with others from various racial and   ethnic           backgrounds.

 

Sources:

Briefing Reports (2011)- Department of Juvenile (Florida) http://www.zurinstitute.com/teenviolence.html

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/191171.php

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/resist-violence.aspx

http://www.apa.org/ed/schools/cpse/teacher-violence.pdf

http://www.apapracticecentral.org/news/2006/school-violence.aspx

 

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NEW TOPIC

Helping Kids with Test Anxiety

You remember that nervous feeling before a big math test or an important essay? Getting nervous before a test is common for kids, but sometimes these butterflies can be so extreme that it is referred to as test anxiety. With the FCATs just around the corner, this is a particularly important topic. Licensed social worker and President and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, offers advice to help parents identify test anxiety in their children, along with tips on how to help them cope.  

What is Test Anxiety?

All kids get nervous about tests, but some kids have what we call “test anxiety.” This is a type of performance anxiety, leading to the same nervous feelings someone might experience before singing a solo or going to an important interview. The physical reactions we experience during performance and test anxiety are caused by the release of adrenaline.  Adrenaline prepares our bodies for danger, also known as the “fight or flight” reaction. Physical responses to performance anxiety include:

• Butterflies in the stomach
• Tension headache
• Feeling shaky
• Sweating
• Rapid heart beat
• In extreme cases, feeling like throwing up or passing out

Does My Child Have Test Anxiety?

Almost all kids get nervous before a test, but there are some things to look for to figure out if your child has test anxiety:

• Kids who experience test anxiety usually worry a lot or are perfectionists. These kids have a very hard time accepting mistakes.
• Your child feels like they “blanked out” right before the test. Kids with test anxiety probably know the material, but their nerves overpower them and they feel like their mind has gone blank.
• Your child experiences some of the physical reactions just mentioned. Again, these could include headaches, nausea, feeling faint and sweaty or clammy hands.

Why Should I Be Concerned About Test Anxiety?

If your child does have test anxiety, clearly it can interfere with their academic performance. This can also lead to behavioral problems as your child starts to feel more and more defeated. Test anxiety cannot be ignored. It is a vicious circle of nerves, worry and self- doubt. Kids with test anxiety usually think to themselves “What if I forget everything I know?” or “What if I throw up?” The more the child focuses on these negative thoughts, the stronger the feeling of anxiety becomes. This makes it that much harder for the child to be able to clear their heads and concentrate.

 

 

What Are Some Simple Strategies to Help My Child?

There are some very simple and practical things parents can do to help their child be able to put forth their best foot in school.

• Make sure your child gets enough sleep. One study found that people who got 8 hours of sleep before taking a math test were three times more likely to figure out the problem.
• Make sure your child eats a healthy breakfast.
• Make sure your child gets to school on time and has all the supplies they need.

How Can I Help Specifically Alleviate My Child’s Test Anxiety?

Parents need to play a supportive and active role in helping their kids cope with test anxiety. Some helpful strategies include:

• Preparation. Make sure your child is completing all assignments and turning them in on time. Also encourage them to study in advance of the test. Cramming only adds to the stress.
• Positive thinking. Kids with test anxiety tend to focus on negative thoughts like “I’m going to fail this test.” Get your child to ask realistic questions like “Do I really fail every test?” and “What happens when I study?” Then when they feel negative thoughts coming, think of the positive, such as “When I study I do pass tests.”
• Don’t emphasize test scores. Instead focus on the effort your child is making and praise their successes.
• Meet with the teacher often. Your child’s teacher can likely offer tips and insight into some strategies that can help your child learn the material and prepare for tests.
• Don’t give in. Do not allow your child to avoid the situation by letting them stay home from school.

What Can My Kids Do to Help Themselves Cope?

There are some things kids can do on their own to help manage their test anxiety.

• Use stress to their advantage. Instead of reacting to stress by complaining or fretting to friends, kids should use the stress as a reminder to study in advance and on a regular basis.
•  Read the directions. Many kids ignore the directions on a test and that can cost them. If the child doesn’t understand the directions, they should ask the teacher for clarification.
• Ask for help. Talk to teachers, a guidance counselor or tutor about their feelings. They can help kids calm down.

 

Sources:

http://kidshealth.org/teen/school_jobs/school/test_anxiety.html

http://www.aboutourkids.org/files/articles/test_anxiety_E.pdf

http://www2.ed.gov/pubs/parents/TestTaking/index.html

 

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Next Topic

 

Cultural Acceptance

On an almost daily basis we see or hear about issues relating to differences in race, religion and culture. As our country and community continue to evolve and experience new beliefs and cultures, it is important that parents are raising culturally competent children. But what should you teach your kids about other beliefs and cultures? And how do you teach them? Licensed social worker and President and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, offers the following advice about culturally competent parenting:

The Presence of Culture in Our Lives

This is such an important topic, and a timely one as we are currently celebrating Black History Month. Issues pertaining to race, religion and culture are very prevalent in our media. In our daily lives, these issues are especially noticeable on days of worship.

 

The Benefits of Cultural Acceptance

Culturally competent parenting that reinforces awareness and understanding is essential to teach children to appreciate the differences of others and become better individuals themselves. Research shows that individuals that are more accepting of others:

• Become better team players
• Develop a stronger affinity with their own culture
• Experience enhanced self-confidence

The Perfect Times to Celebrate Culture

Black history month isn’t the only time you can focus on raising culturally competent children.  There are plenty of other cultural holidays during the year when you can also bring this topic to the forefront at home. Some upcoming holidays are:

• St. Patrick’s Day
• Cinco de Mayo
• Passover
• Kwanzaa

The Start of Culturally Competent Parenting

A great way to start the process of raising culturally aware children is to teach your kids about their own culture. Children tend to internalize any negative views they may hear about their own culture, so it’s important that as a parent you are presenting your child’s culture to him or her in positive ways.

• Spend time talking to our kids about their culture and what makes it special and unique.
• Seek out successful people in your community who share your child’s culture and beliefs, such as coaches and teachers. This gives your child examples of good role models who are like them.
• Have books, art and toys that reflect your child’s culture.
• Encourage your child to develop same-culture peer relationships.

As you help your child develop cultural pride, you also are helping them develop their self-esteem.

The Transition to Appreciating Different Cultures

Being a culturally competent parent and raising children who can respect cultures different from their own does require some conscientious effort, and it starts with the parents.

• First of all, be aware of your own language and attitude towards other cultures. Don’t use negative language about other cultures and avoid openly talking about stereotypes in front of your kids. These negative attitudes and views will rub off on your kids.
• Instead, use culturally sensitive language, encourage awareness and discourage stereotyping. This positive approach will then rub off on your kids.

The Ways to Experience Other Cultures

There are a lot of fun and interesting ways parents can teach their kids about other cultures, religions and ethnicities.

• Attend multi-cultural schools and places of worship
• Participate in multi-cultural clubs and recreational activities
• Invite friends of different cultures to share holidays, and ask them to return the favor
• Explore history – read books or watch movies about slavery, women’s rights and people with disabilities
• Prepare ethnic meals – food is great way to celebrate and enjoy cultures different than your own

The Importance of Cultural Competence

Cultural tolerance will give your child the foundation for living and working in a culturally diverse society. The goal is not to be a melting pot, but a wonderful salad in which each ingredient enhances the overall flavor.

NEXT TOPIC++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FEB 2012

TEENS AND DATING

 

Valentine’s Day is less than 10 days away, and many of us have love on our minds, including our kids. For most parents out there, the idea of your pre-teens and teenage children dating probably brings up feelings of fear and uncertainty. When should kids begin dating? What types of dating behaviors are appropriate at certain ages? Licensed social worker and president and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, joined us to help answer some of these questions.

When Will My Kids Start Showing Interest in Dating?

The answer to this question might scare some parents, but the truth is that it’s perfectly normal for kids to start having crushes in the late elementary and early middle school years. It’s part of the biological changes of puberty, and before we see the physical changes, the hormonal ones are already happening. Having a crush is fine. The problem is when kids act on those feelings too quickly, which is why parents need to be alert and involved.

What Type of Dates Should My Child be Going on?

It’s hard to extend age guidelines to all kids and teens when it comes to dating.

• Most child psychology experts say pre-teens should only participate in supervised group activities like school dances or trips to the mall or movies.
• One-on-one dating is appropriate for older teens, with polls showing most parents allowing the transition at age 16.

The best approach is for parents to use their judgment to decide what is ok for their kids based on their maturity level. We can also look at some numbers on pre-teen and teen dating patterns so parents might have a better idea of what to expect. Research shows that:

• Among 13-year-olds, 37% of males and 34% of females have been in a romantic relationship
• Among 15-year-olds, 49% of males and 56% of females have been in a romantic relationship
• Most romantic relationships among 12 to 14 year olds last less than five months
• By age 16, relationships last an average of two years

What Kinds of Dating Rules Should be Established for My Child?

It is important for parents to set some dating ground rules and clearly communicate these rules…and consequences… to their pre-teens and teenagers. Some of these rules should include:

• Curfews
• Appropriate age of partner
• Telling you who they will be with, where they will be and contact information
• Encourage your kids to invite friends over, but set ground rules such as no closed doors when someone of the opposite sex is over

When setting rules, there are two important things to keep in mind:

• Don’t be too oppressive and restrictive, otherwise you’re asking for rebellion. Use logic and reason when creating dating rules.
• Explain why you are setting certain rules or forbidding certain activities. This helps your teen see that you aren’t just trying to control them, but that you care about them and that’s why you’re setting rules.

Of course some of these rules, like curfew and partner age, will change as your child ages. But these are important basics to have established once your child wants to date.

How Do I Talk to My Kids About Dating and Keep the Conversations Honest?

Talking with your pre-teens and teenagers about dating can be a difficult subject to tackle, but having open and honest communication with your kids about dating is critical to staying involved in their dating lives.

• By the pre-teen years, you should have already had the basic sex talk, and this should be an ongoing conversation as your kids get older. Make sure you are also including feelings in these discussions.
• Answer your kid’s dating questions openly and honestly. This will set the standard for all future conversations.
• Talk to your teen about friends and daily events. This way can learn about their peer network and what things they find important. When it comes to dating, this information can give you insight into who they might date and what kinds of activities your child and his or her partner might be interested in.
• Be open to discussing your relationship experiences. Use these talks to establish how you define a healthy relationship.
• Set an example for your pre-teen and teen in your own relationship. Model healthy relationship behaviors with your partner that so your child can see what it means to be in a committed, equal partnership.

Pre-teen and teen dating doesn’t have to be a horrible prospect, as long as parents work to have open communication and they establish and follow through with dating rules.

Resources: Click on title to view product

 

Virtual Date - Interactive CD-ROM

 

The Teenage Human Body - Operator's Manual Book

 

Dating and Sexual Respnsibility - Curriculum

 

Sources:

http://drphil.com/articles/article/50

http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Teens_Dating_Tips/

http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/boyfriends_girlfriends_what_parents_need_know_about_teenage_dating#

 

 

NEXT TOPIC+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FEB 2012

 

Monitoring Online Use

As the popularity and availability of the internet continues to expand amongst children, parents have to be more vigilant than ever to be sure what their kids are seeing on the internet is appropriate. While determining what is or is not appropriate for children to see is subjective to each parent, there are general guidelines and a variety of resources to help all parents manage their children’s internet use. Licensed social worker and President and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, offers some the following insights about  these guidelines and resources:

The Importance of Monitoring:

• With kids learning to use the internet at younger and younger ages, parents may feel overwhelmed when it comes to monitoring and controlling their kids’ online use. While there really is no way to know what your kids are seeing, hearing and doing 100 percent of the time, there are precautions parents can take to help protect their kids.
• A lot of parents may feel intimidated by the idea of controlling what their kids see online, especially when they feel like their kids know more about the internet than they do. The good news, though, is that parents are really stepping up to the plate when it comes to monitoring what their kids do online. A PEW Internet report says that in 2006, 65 percent of parents were checking the websites their kids visited. In 2011 that number increased to 77 percent of parents checking websites their children visited.
• With all the information and photos out there on the web, it’s more important than ever that parents be proactive in filtering their kid’s internet use. One small typo in a child’s Google search could take them from “Lego’s” to “Legs” in a split second, exposing them to inappropriate web content.

Non-Technical Ways to Monitor:

• Keep the computer in a common area: this makes it much easier for you to monitor your kids’ use
• Don’t let your kids search alone: if you know your kids are looking for something on Google, sit next to them and offer to help pick good information or photos. This way can monitor their search terms to help ensure they don’t accidentally search a word that could return inappropriate results
• Keep communication open: talk to your kids about what they like to do online and what their favorite sites are. This shows your interest in what they are doing, and if you openly communicate about good sites, it is more likely your kids will come to you if they ever see something online that makes them uncomfortable.
• Have rules: tell your children not to trade photographs or share personal information over the internet. Be sure your kids know if they break house rules about internet use there will be consequences, such as being grounded from the computer.

 

 

 

 

Technical methods of Monitoring:

 

According to McAfee, 4 out 5 parents who have parental control software don’t turn it on, despite being concerned about their children’s online safety. There are many technical controls out there that parents can use to improve chances that their kids only see appropriate content online.

 

• Use filters: there are two main types of filters you can use.     

1. 1.    Software: download and install programs that prevent kids from seeing inappropriate web content. It works by using keywords, and filters out sites defined by those words. Some software companies even let users customize lists of bad sites to block out.
2. 2.    Internet Service Providers: all ISPs, such as AT&T, Comcast and NetZero have parental controls you can use to filter websites. Do a Google search of how to set up these controls using your ISPs name and you should find step-by-step instructions.

• Turn on search engine filters: every search engine, like Google or Bing, has parental control options. Again, if you aren’t sure how to set them up, do a “how to” search and you’re sure to find simple instructions. Google’s is called Family Safety Center.
• Look into monitoring and tracking programs: these can capture and record where your kids go online, how much time they spend on different sites and what goes on in instant messaging chats. The decision to use these programs is more sensitive and depends on your personal feelings.

ü      These programs cost money, unlike ISP filters

ü      Some parents believe this is too much of an invasion of privacy. If you are suspicious about what your kids are doing, these programs will answer your questions. But you also have to think about how your kids will react if they find out you were using these programs without their knowledge.

Warning Signs for Inappropriate Searches:

If parents are a little bit suspicious about what their kids may be seeing online, but they don’t want to go to the extreme of monitoring and tracking software, look for some of these warning signs:

• Spending long hours online
• Suddenly turning off the computer or clicking out of a page when you come in the room
• Reluctance to discuss online activities
• Withdrawal from family life

For parental tips on a variety of other subjects check out the parenting resources section on www.danielkids.org.

Sources:

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/advice-for-parents/internet-filters-tips

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/net_safety.html#

http://www.pewinternet.org/Reports/2011/Teens-and-social-media/Part-4/Parental-monitoring.aspx

*NEW RESOURCES

http://www.qualityansweringservice.com/resources/virtual-predators-importance-teaching-internet-safety

(An article on the dangers virtual predators and how to avoid them)

http://www.sbac.edu/~media/internet_safety_information.htm

(An article full of resources for keeping youth safe on the web)

http://www.datehookup.com/content-addressing-cyberstalking-and-online-harassment.htm

(A comprehensive article on Cyberstalking and Harassment)

http://childrefuge.org/online-predator/warning-signs-children-at-risk-for-online-predators.html

(An article which describes the warning signs that a child may be at risk)

* Special thanks to Mrs. Michaels and her students!

 

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Keeping and Starting Routines in the New Year

The two-week holiday break from school can be a time when children stop following their normal routines. Parents may find their kids going to bed later and later, spending more time playing on the computer than learning  or neglecting their chores. With the lack of a daily schedule, family travel and thrill of the holidays, this is a common trend in many households. If your family fits this description, it’s time to get back in gear with kids’ routines so you can start the New Year right. Jim Clark, licensed social worker and President and CEO of Daniel offers the following hints to help . . .

Reestablishing Old Routines:

• Reevaluate: Now that old routines may be lax, it’s a great time to sit back and evaluate what routines were or were not working in your household and make necessary adjustmentsfor the New Year.
  • Maybe something in your child’s night-time bed and bath routine has been stressful? What tweak could you make that would make the evenings easier for both of you?
  • Perhaps your older children are distracting each other in the afternoons when they do their homework? Find a place in your house to set up a second homework station so they work separately and stay focused.

This is the perfect time to decide what routines to keep and which ones to alter so your family has a fresh start for the New Year.

 

The second step to getting kids back in their routines (old or new), is to

• Ease Back Into It: It’s unrealistic to think that you and your kids just pick up where you left off and dive completely back into your daily routines after the holiday break. With one week left before kids go back to school, now is the time to ease back into daily routines.
  • If your kids sleeping schedule has changed, start tonight by slowly adjusting back to their school year sleeping schedule.
  • Throughout the week, add chores back in one at a time.

This way your child won’t be overwhelmed by a sudden adjustment and the transition back to their routines will be seamless.

 

Focusing On Routines with Health Benefits:

To start out the New Year on the best foot possible, parents should pay special attention to the routines connected with health benefits.

• Sleep: With no school and the general craziness of the holidays, it can be very easy for kids to lose any regularity to their sleeping patterns. Sleep deprivation is cyclical and can cause a child to continue to sleep poorly, which keeps exacerbating the problem. Without sleep, kids are not getting the rejuvenation their bodies need, plus they can become cranky and make it a very bad day for their parents. Try to keep as normal a sleep pattern as possible over holiday break.
  • If your kids have fallen out of that pattern, start easing them back into it tonight.
  • If you travel and stay at someone else’s house over the break, try to adhere to your child’s bed and naptime routine.
  • Diet: During the holidays we are surrounded by delicious temptations on an almost-daily basis; cakes, pies, egg nog, hot chocolate and candies are everywhere. As delicious as these treats are, parents should be careful not to let their kids overindulge. For one, you don’t want your kids to make themselves sick. But it’s also an important time of year to continue reinforcing a lifetime of healthy eating habits.
    • If you know you’re about to go somewhere that holiday treats will be a temptation, you have a couple of options.
      • You can feed your child a healthy snack or meal before leaving.
      • Or, you can take some healthy options for your child wherever you’re going.

Of course you can let them enjoy holiday goodies in moderation. But keeping a healthy eating routine during the holidays is important in building life-long healthy eating habits in your children.

 

Establishing new Routines in the New Year

Here are some ideas for healthy, fun and family-oriented routines you can start with your kids in 2012:

• Volunteer: find some way you and your child can work together to give back to the community. Pick a time, say the last Saturday of every month that you both know will be dedicated to your volunteer work.
• Get Active: a great routine to start in 2012 is family exercise. You could set aside time each week to ride bikes together or walk through your neighborhood.
• Have a Family Night: encourage everyone to spend time together and bond in the New Year. A great idea is to have a family board game night.

If you’d like more information on this topic or others visit www.danielkids.org or www.news4jax.com.

Sources:

http://host.madison.com/wsj/news/local/health_med_fit/dr-dana-johnson-keep-somewhat-normal-routines-for-kids-during/article_6b7b2050-147a-11e1-86ef-001cc4c002e0.html

http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/821201/getting-back-to-the-family-routine-post-holiday

http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/the-three-best-parenting-resolutions-for-2011

http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/family_routines_how_and_why_they_work.html

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“Reason for the Season”

 

With the holidays just a couple of weeks away, many of us have probably been focused on shopping, travel plans or counting down to some vacation time. However, this is the perfect time of year for adults and their children to come together, enjoy each other’s company and celebrate the real reasons for the season. Licensed social worker and President and CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark, joined us to talk about coming together as a family and putting into practice true holiday values.

 

Helping Kids Focus on the Reasons for the Season

 

With all the commercials and ads about toys, electronics and sales that everyone sees on TV, online and on the radio it can be quite challenging for parents to help their kids stay focused on the real reasons we celebrate holidays this time of year. Luckily, it is possible to overcome these materialistic messages in your home and put the focus back on true holiday values.

 

• Model the behavior you want your kids to practice. If all your focus is on shopping, your kids will see this and mimic the same behaviors. Instead, put your focus on attending religious services and reflecting on the true spirit of the holiday you celebrate. Your children will follow suit and want to spend time celebrating the real reasons for the season.
• Pick toys to donate with your kids. Rather than looking through stores to figure out what presents they hope to get this year, take them to the stores to pick out a gift to donate to a child in need. Use this as a way to help them realize how lucky they are to be getting multiple gifts while some kids may not get anything. Empower them to choose a gift for another child and let them know they are making a difference for someone.
• Make a “Give List.” Lots of kids love to spend time making pretty lists of gifts they hope Santa will bring them. In addition to a wish list, have your child create a “Give List.” On this list, they can write down ideas for things they would like to give to people, like their parents, siblings, friends, or kids in need. The list doesn’t have to be realistic. It’s about having them spend time thinking of doing things for others and thus learning the real meaning of the holidays.

 

Bonding at Home and in the Community

 

There are great family activities parents and kids can do together to strengthen the family bond and celebrate the season by giving back to the community at the same time.

 

 

 

To strengthen your bond in the home:

 

• Continue or develop holiday traditions. If your family has a holiday tradition, be sure to keep it going even as your children grow older. If you don’t have a family tradition, now is the time to start. Perhaps you all bake holiday cookies, make decorations for your house or load up in the car on Christmas Eve and go look at lights. Anything that your family can do year after year as a unit will create shared memories between you.
• Get a family gift. This isn’t about being materialistic, but about thinking of a gift to get that is for everyone in the family that will help you bond. This could be a board game, a movie you watch together every holiday season, or a football you all throw in the yard together. Getting a family gift will get everyone thinking in terms of the family as whole and get each member excited about spending time together using that gift.
• Have kids talk to family members. Have your kids ask their grandparents, aunts and uncles about their holiday memories. This will help them bond outside the nuclear family and add to their understanding of the real meanings behind the holidays.

 

To strengthen your bond and give back:

 

• Volunteer as a family. Pick a cause close to your hearts and volunteer as a family this season. You could all go work in a soup kitchen, do a neighborhood collection for your local animal shelter or deliver toys to kids in need. Giving back to the community as a family will allow you all to bond through your gratitude and spirit of philanthropy.
• Bake treats for local heroes. Local heroes like police, firefighters and nurses will have to work on the holiday instead of spending the day with their families. Show them your appreciation and spread holiday joy by baking treats for these workers and delivering it to the police/fire stations and hospitals. This will help your family members realize how lucky you to all be together on special days.
• Do something small and inexpensive to give back. Your family may not have the resources to do something like sponsoring an entire family or even baking a bunch of cookies, but this doesn’t mean you can’t come together to do something impactful. Use paper and crayons at home to make holiday cards for a local senior citizen home, neighbors or teachers. Or, just give your time to a local charity in need of holiday volunteers. Every little bit someone can give makes a difference, all while still teaching your kids holiday values.

 

Being Present in the Moment

 

That holiday season is not about presents, as in gifts, it’s about presence, as in being present in the moment – enjoying your family, practicing whatever religious significance the holidays mean to you, and sharing a kind, giving spirit with others.  In other words, try to slow down the racing around and preparing and be present in the moment.

 

 

 

Sources:

 

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/holidays_materialistic.html#

 

http://rockville.patch.com/articles/teaching-kids-to-give-back-during-the-holidays

 

http://www.surfnetparents.com/2195/family-giving-bonding-during-the-holidays/

 

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ADOPTION IN FLORIDA

 

November is National Adoption Month, making this is a great time for people to learn the facts about kids in foster care and adoption in Florida. Bob Rooks, Director of Florida’s Adoption Information Center- a statewide service that’s been operated right here in Jacksonville by Daniel since 1994, joined us to talk about adoption in Florida.

 

How Hard is it to Adopt?

So many people think that to adopt you have to go overseas or pay large sums of money to private agencies. While those are indeed routes you can take, many people don’t realize that there are plenty of children locally who need adoptive families and who can be adopted for no cost at all. In fact, as of November 1^st, there were 223 children right here in Northeast Florida waiting to be adopted and 536 throughout the state.

 

Who Are the Kids in Florida Waiting to be Adopted?

When a lot of people think of adoption, they probably picture a family adopting a newborn baby. However, the majority of kids needing an adoptive home are actually school age children. Kids end up in the foster care system due to no fault of their own. Most likely they have been abused, abandoned and neglected. Consequently, a judge decided their family was incapable of caring for the child, and they go into the foster care system. Kids waiting to be adopted are all of different ages, races and circumstances. A lot of these kids have been through some rough times, but placed in a loving adoptive home, they go on to lead happy, successful lives.

 

Does it Cost a lot of Money to Adopt Locally?

Where most private adoptions can cost upwards of $30,000, doing a public adoption of a child in Florida comes at little-to-no cost.  The required training class and home study are provided for free, and court costs can often be paid for by the agency if the family cannot afford them. Some families who adopt can even qualify for monthly financial support to offset ongoing costs. The amount is negotiated on a case-by-case basis and depends on the child’s circumstances and availability of funds.  Other one-time expenses that might be reimbursed are birth certificate fees and travel expenses for visiting the child.

 

How Difficult is it to Adopt a Child in Florida?

There are so many misconceptions out there about adoption. A lot of people think it is really complicated and that they have to meet some stereotype of “perfect parents”, but none of this is actually true. Adopters are as varied as the children who need to be adopted. To be able to adopt in Florida, you can be married or single, already a parent or never a parent, in your 60s or 20s, a renter or a homeowner, and a person of wealth or of modest means. There is no certain description required to be an adoptive parent. If you are able to open your heart and home to a child and give them the love and basic care they deserve, you can be an adoptive parent. As far as how long the process takes, it varies case by case.

There nine general steps to the whole process:

1. Call- Florida’s Adoption Information Center (1-800-96ADOPT or 1-904-353-0679) to get the ball rolling
2. Orientation- one to tow hour session to talk with experienced adoptive parents and adoption counselors about the process
3. Preparation Course (MAPP)- The Model Approach to Partnership in Parenting (MAPP) is an in-depth, ten week training course all adoptive parents must complete. It allows you to assess your family, yourself and to explore adoption issues.
4. Home Study- This is the time when background checks and character references take place. A counselor will also come into your home at least once to make sure you can provide a safe and stable environment for a child. The counselor is likely to ask about your reasons for wanting to adopt, your financial situation and parenting philosophy. The whole point of the visits, background checks and references is to ensure a successful adoption for everyone involved.
5. Approval- all the information collected is sent to adoption specialist and you are notified when you’re application is approved.
6. Finding the Right Match- You can continue looking online and attending recruitment activities where children available for adoption are in attendance. When you find a child or children you are interested in, notify your counselor for more information
7. Making the Match Permanent- Once you find the perfect match, you will spend more time getting to know the child, and the child will spend time getting to know you and your family. This can include sharing photo albums, short home visits, and eventually overnight or extended visits. Placement will happen once you, the child and the counselor feel the child is ready.
8. Placement Supervision- a counselor will make monthly visits to your home to see how the child is adjusting and whether any additional services may be needed. The supervision period ends when the counselor sends “Consent to Adopt” to your attorney.
9. Finalization- the child will usually live your family six months before the adoption is finalized before a judge.

It might sound lengthy as I sit here and describe the process, but in reality steps 1-4 can usually all be completed in less than nine months. Once these steps are completed, it’s just a matter of being approved to adopt and finding your child.

 

How Can I Learn More About Adoption in Florida?

An easy first step is to call the adoption center at Daniel at 1-800-96-ADOPT- people are there to answer questions for prospective adoptive parents, parents who already have adopted and anything at all that has to do with adoption. You can also visit the Explore Adoption website at adoptflorida.org. In fact, you can even do a child search, putting in your parameters regarding sex, age and the types of special emotional or physical needs you do or don’t feel comfortable with. In the 2010-2011 year, Duval County is third in the state for the number of adoptions, with 192 finalized.

 

Sources:

http://www.adoptflorida.org/kids1.shtml

 

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Obesity and Healthy Habits

With the holiday season approaching, it is so important for parents to be conscious of their kid’s health in terms of weight and physical activity. The percentage of overweight kids in America is growing, with 1 out of 3 kids now considered overweight or obese. The problem is even worse in African American and Hispanic communities, where 40% of children are overweight or obese. If these trends continue, one third of all children born in 2000 or later will suffer from diabetes at some point in their lives.

Obese Kids Face Lifetime of Risks

In addition to increasing the risk for type 2 diabetes, being obese also increases a child’s risk for having high blood pressure and high cholesterol – all once considered adult exclusive diseases. These cardiovascular risk factors can lead to heart disease, heart failure and stroke as adults. Other health problems associated with overweight kids are bone and joint problems, shortness of breath and disordered sleep patterns.  

 

Why Kids are Obese

Two of the biggest factors contributing to our kids’ weight problems are diet and exercise, or lack thereof.

• Diet is the first major problem. In our fast paced world, it’s rare that a family has time to sit down together to enjoy a home cooked meal, where portions are more controlled and vegetables are on the table. Kids are eating more fast food than in the past. They are also snacking more. Three years ago, kids ate just one snack a day. Now they are eating about three snacks a day, resulting in an extra 200 calories consumed per day. Portion sizes are also a problem, being two to five times bigger than in years past.
• As for exercise, most kids aren’t getting any because they are always watching TV or getting on the computer. We know that kids 6 and younger now spend an average of two hours per day in front of a screen. For older kids and teens, that number goes up to almost four hours per day. Add in time spent on the computer or playing video games and we’re now at 5.5 hours per day! Combine that with the time the kids are in school, and that leaves little room for physical activity. Current guidelines suggest that kids over 2 years old get at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity, preferably every day of the week.

Teach Kids Healthy Eating Habits

People in the same family usually have similar eating patterns, so you might to look at your family as a whole and look for ways to improve your meals. There are five key areas where changes can be made to make your child and the whole family healthier:

• Fruits and Vegetables- Kids should be eating five fruits and veggies each day. You can provide fruit or carrot sticks as snacks, offer 100% juice with no added sugar, and mix veggies into dishes like casseroles, sauces or sandwiches.
• Reduce Fat and Sugar- There are some easy ways to do this that don’t involve studying food labels at the store. Try switching to low or non-fat milk, yogurt and cheese. You can also substitute olive or vegetable oil for butter when you’re cooking. And consider switching to lower sugar breakfast cereals.
• Snacks- reduce the number of snacks your child has each day. When they do snack, provide water as drink. Also make sure your kids know the difference between snack they need permission to have, like cookies, and snacks they can take freely, like fruit.
• Portion Size- Kids should be having smaller portions than adults. It can help to use smaller plates for kids. Back in the “old days” adults were always telling kids to clean their plates, but nowadays we don’t want to force kids to do so. Let them stop when they are full.
• Eat Together- Eating as a family allows you to model good eating behavior for your kids. Having regularly scheduled meals and snack times helps provide kids with a routine and structure to follow so they aren’t just picking at food all day.

Get Kids Moving

Parents may think the 60 minute recommendation of moderate to vigorous activity per day is a lot for kids, but it doesn’t have to happen at one time…it can add up through the day. Parents can help their kids make simple, healthy and active choices. Some of these are:

• Take the stairs instead of the elevator
• Walk around the block after dinner
• Limit TV time and give kids toys that encourage outdoor play like kites, balls and roller skates
• Find time during the weekend to have family activity time. You can all go to the park together, ride bikes or swim. This is a great time for you to model living an active lifestyle to your kids.

 

Sources:

http://www.letsmove.gov/

http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/body/overweight_obesity.html

 

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With the start of October comes a lot of the color pink and talk about breast cancer. It is National Breast Cancer Awareness month, after all. For adults, it's a familiar cause, but what about kids who are affected by loved ones or teachers diagnosed with breast cancer? How do you talk to them about this illness, especially if it's you that's been diagnosed? Licensed social worker and President/CEO of Daniel, Jim Clark offers advice on talking to kids about breast cancer and how to help them cope.

Follow the Number One Rule- Honesty:

The best approach when talking to your kids about a breast cancer diagnosis is to follow the old saying "honesty is the best policy."

Be as open and honest as you can about what's happening.

Just like adults, children will fill in the gaps with their own assumptions, which can be much worse than the truth.

Keep it simple- there's no need to overwhelm with information.

Offer Age Appropriate Information:

Kids of any age will be able to sense when something is wrong, so it's important to anticipate their concerns and know how to talk them to about breast cancer in an age-appropriate manner.

Up to 2 years old – kids this age will be most concerned by the disruption of their daily routine. They don't understand the concept of cancer, but they will be concerned if mom is too tired to play. Let them know you're sick and make sure your support group...spouse, friends, family...can help keep your child's routine in order.Ages 2 to 7 years – when you explain cancer to this age group, keep it simple. Use terms like "good cells" and "bad cells," but don't be afraid to say "cancer" to them. You can even point to where your "boo boo" is on your body. Also, explain your treatment in terms of how it will affect them. For example, "My chemotherapy next week will make me very tired, so Sam's mom will be driving you to school at the normal time." It's common for kids this age to think that they may have caused your sickness because of bad behavior. Make sure they know this is not the case, and that they also know cancer is not contagious. Ages 7 to 12 years – kids this age can understand more causes and effects of serious illnesses, but you still want to keep explanations simple and understandable. Tell them how you are feeling, what treatment you're getting and the effects the treatment will have. It is also important to encourage kids this age to talk to you about their questions and concerns. They might think they are burdening you by asking, but do your best to let them know this is not the case and you value hearing what they have to say.Ages 12 and up – At this point kids will understand most aspects of breast cancer and treatment. It is also important with this group that you listen to their concerns. Older kids may want to learn more and conduct their own research online. It's okay to let them explore and find some answers they may be looking for, but be sure you explain to them that the Internet especially is full of a wide range of good stories and bad and that EVERY cancer case is different. Encourage them to come to you or a member of your support group if they find something that particularly troubles them.

Make It Manageable:

Answer your kids' questions as accurately as possible. If they ask you something you don't know the answer to, be honest and say "I don't know the answer to that question, but I will ask my doctor and let you know." Let your kids participate in your care. They can get you an extra blanket or a glass of water. Kids will feel empowered when you give them the chance to feel like they are helping you.Encourage them to express their feelings. No matter how old your child is, it's important to let them tell you what they are worried about and how they feel about your illness. This keeps conversation open and honest.Let them turn to your support system. Your child might be afraid to ask you the harder questions like, "are you going to die?" Make sure you provide them with easy access to your support system. This could include your spouse, family members, friends, clergy or teachers.Try to phrase things positively. Sometimes you may not feel very positive, but it's important to at least present the positive side to your children when you can. You can be positive while being honest. For instance, if your child does ask you a hard question like "Are you going to die?" You could say something like "No one knows when they will die or not die. But I am doing everything I can to fight and prevent it." Show love and affection. Make sure they know that just because you are ill and tired does not mean you love them any less.

Reach out for Added Support If Needed:

There is great local group called "Kids Together Against Cancer." They offer a variety of support group opportunities and therapies for kids in Jacksonville who are dealing with cancer in some way in their lives. Their website is www.ktacjax.com.

Sources:

http://www.cancercare.org/publications/49-helping_children_understand_cancer_talking_to_your_kids_about_your_diagnosis

http://www.y-me.org/support/relationships/children.php

http://www.ktacjax.com/about-us.asp

 

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FEARS

We all have something we’re afraid of — spiders, heights, natural disasters…and the same applies to children. It’s not uncommon for kids to be scared of the dark or afraid that they’ll get lost in a store, but how do you know when your child’s fears or normal, or when they may turning into a bigger problem? Jim Clark, president and CEO of Daniel and a licensed social worker, offers insights on child fears and how to best address them.

Everyone Has Fears

It’s normal for people of all ages, kids and adults, to have some fears. In fact, for children, fears are considered a normal part of development. Having fears and finding ways to work through them can be great learning experiences for kids to help prepare them for the challenges they’ll face later in life. But sometimes these fears can become extreme and interfere with a child’s life. It’s important for parents to know what fears are normal for their kids, how to help them cope, and what to do if fears seem out of control.

 

Ages and Fears

As your children grow and change, so too will their fears. At different ages, certain fears are completely normal for your child to experience.

• Babies fear separation from their parents and strangers. This can be seen when your child clings to you and does not want to be held by someone they aren’t familiar with. Fear of loud noises is also common.
• Toddlers around 10 to 18 months old fear separation from parents, animals and insects, using the potty, bathing and bedtime.
• Preschoolers and younger school age children, about ages 4 to 6, fear things that are not based in reality like monsters and ghosts. They also fear animals and insects, getting lost, divorce, losing a parent and bedtime.
• Older school age children, ages 7 to 12, have fears that come from real experiences that could happen to them, like bodily injury, social rejection, war, new situations and burglars.

Adolescent’s fears can include social rejection, new situations, burglars, war, divorce and sexual Naturally every child is different so they may have other normal fears that don’t fall in these categories.

 

Coping with Fears: Dos and Don’ts

Being there as a support system will make all the difference in helping kids learn how to control their stress and anxiety in the face of something scary. There are a number of things you can do to help your child cope with fears that we can divide into

DOs and DON’Ts:

 

DO

• DO recognize the fear and talk about it. Using words and openly talking about fears can take the power out of the negative feelings your child is experiencing.
• DO provide reassurance and comfort. A lot of this type of support can be verbal. You can remind your child of things they used to be afraid of, and how they were able to conquer those fears. You can also give them examples of how things can get better. If your child is scared about starting school, remind them that it will get more comfortable as time goes by, and that they’ve always made friends in the past.
• DO teach coping strategies. This could be positive self-statements like “I can do this” or “I will be OK” that your child can say to themselves when they feel nervous or afraid. Relaxation techniques can also be helpful, such as visualizing floating on a cloud or lying on the beach. Deep breathing is another great way to teach your child to calm themselves down when they’re afraid.

DON’T

• DO NOT belittle it. It never helps to say things like “you’re being such a baby” or “that is ridiculous that you think there are ghosts in your closet.” This only makes your child feel bad and it does not make the fear go away.
• DO NOT concede to the fear. If your child is afraid of dogs, don’t cross the street to get away when you see one. This reinforces the fear. Instead provide support and slowly work through confronting the fear together.
• DO NOT overreact to whatever fear your child has if it something that you might be scared of too. This will reinforce that they should really be scared, since mom or dad is also scared.

Reaction to Fears

There are some typical signs parents can look for when they think their child is having a fearful reaction to something. These include:

• Becoming clingy, impulsive or distracted
• Sweaty hands
• Accelerated heart rate and breathing
• Stomachaches
• Problems sleeping

 

Many of these signs are perfectly normal reactions to a fearful situation; it’s when these reactions become stronger or don’t eventually subside that there may be a problem.  If these things occur, your child’s fear could be turning into phobia, meaning the fear is extreme and persistent. It's when a phobia starts to interfere with your or your child’s everyday life that you must get additional help. You can start by visiting your pediatrician. From there, they may refer you to seek professional treatment from a child psychologist.

 

Sources: http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/anxiety.html

http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/fears.html

 

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Talking About 9/11 With Your Young Children

With the ten year anniversary of 9/11 just one week away, tributes and memorial coverage will be filling our home through TV, radio, newspapers and the internet. The in-depth and detailed coverage of 9/11 we expect can present a problem for parents with children born after the attack, who are 10 years old or younger. A lot of these kids probably don’t know what “9-11” or “terrorism” is. When you combine that with images from the attack, the whole thing can seem like a very frightening topic. Jim Clark, president and CEO of Daniel and a licensed social worker offers tips to parents to help prepare them to talk about 9-11 with their children before next weekend.

Considerations Before You Talk

Parents need to take their child’s age and level of understanding into consideration, and they also need to plan to censor media exposure.

• Preschool ages 3 to 5-With this age group, parents need to:
  • Understand how your child processes the news- Children this age often confuse fact with fantasy. They may see and image from the war in Iraq on TV and think it’s happening down the street from their house. They see TV as a direct window to the world around them.
  • Shield children from violent news coverage- Preschoolers will think that violence is happening right around them. Change the channel or turn off the TV if a young child is in the room and there are violent images from 9-11 being played. If your child does see violent coverage, remind them it’s just a picture of something far, far away or something that happened a long time ago.
  • Elementary ages 6 to 8-Parents also need to be conscious of how their child thinks and what they understand. Again, parents should:
    • Understand how your child processes the news- A shift in thinking occurs at this age, where your children don’t simply think about “MY” world. They now also think about “THE” world. While they can start to understand events in the context they happen, this understanding may only happen one piece at a time and leave them feeling scared and unsure. Watching the news sitting with your child and adding your insights or comforts will be helpful.
    • Limit media exposure- you don’t want to totally shield kids this age from big events like 9-11, because like it or not, they’ll hear about it from friends at school. But when truly disturbing news is played, go ahead and flip the channel.

 

Guidelines for the Discussion

No matter the age range your child falls into, there are some simple guidelines to help parents appropriately and effectively talk about 9-11 with their young children.

• Ask an open-ended question to start the conversation. For example, “what do you know about what happened on September 11^th?” Knowing what your child has seen or heard will guide the rest of your conversation.
• Listen to their comments and concerns. Make it a special time when you sit together to let them express themselves. By listening to them, you can avoid talking too much about the topic and putting ideas into their head.
• Reassure them of their safety. Kids may feel they are in danger or worry about their parents or friends being hurt. This is a great time to talk about things being done to keep everyone safe, like airport guards, policemen and firemen. You can even review your family’s own safety precautions, such as the routine for school pick-up.
• Avoid violent and destructive details about the events of 9-11. Make the conversation more inspirational and positive by talking about the memorials we have and why we have them. You can also talk about people coming together to help each other afterwards.
• Don’t lie about what happened. You don’t have to tell your children every horrible detail, but you don’t want to lie to them about such an important historical event that they will continue to learn more about as they grow up.

 

Ways to Make the Day Positive

There happens to be a lot of talk online and on social media sites like Twitter about turning the 10 year anniversary into a day of good. People are being encouraged to do a good deed or something charitable to commemorate the 10^th anniversary. It’s called The 9-11 Tribute Movement, and you can go to 911day.org to learn more and submit what you and your child will do to honor the day.

 

 

 

 

For more information on this topic, you can visit www.danielkids.org or www.news4jax.com.

Sources:

http://www.9-11heroes.us/talk-children-war-terrorism.php

http://www.pbs.org/parents/talkingwithkids/news/agebyage.html

 

 

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Art Therapy for Children at Any Age

When art therapy is used to help kids, the first step is building an open and trusting relationship between the therapist and patient. This process varies depending on the age level:

• Pre-K and elementary age- the art therapy would involve getting down on the floor and letting the child scribble. At this developmental level, the kids enjoy this type of experimentation and play. It makes them feel comfortable and it is fun for them.
• Teenagers- because teens are more guarded, a good exercise is having them look through magazines to create an "About Me" collage. At this developmental level, teens like to express themselves, but they are more self-conscious about their drawing abilities.

Art as Therapy

Once the rapport is there, we can use the art to address whatever problems the child is having. Art therapy can help:

• Reinforce coping skills for a child with anger management problems. The therapist can use watercolor breathing exercises to help them calm themselves when they feel angry. The exercise involves 4 sheets of paper and the paint. As they practice calm breathing, the child will first do horizontal strokes on one page, followed by vertical strokes on the next page, then circles, and finally dynamic strokes accompanied by louder breaths. Over time, these four techniques can be combined and help the child with calming breathing patterns.
• Help a child process trauma in their lives, without having to directly talk about the memories. The child can create their own images related to the trauma that help them feel empowered and safe.

 

Benefits of Using Art Therapy with Kids

There are many benefits kids can get from expressing themselves and exploring their feelings through art therapy.

• Self-discovery- art therapy can give kids a sense of relief and well-being. The therapy can help them let go of problems and really find who they are.
• Personal Fulfillment- the process of creating their own work of art or conquering a challenging art medium makes kids feel proud of themselves.
• Empowerment- art therapy can give kids a voice to express things they may never have verbally talked about.
• Rehabilitation- learning about their feelings and finding relief in the art can help children recover from trauma or find everyday coping strategies

Using Art Therapy at Home

Using art at home is great way for parents to teach their kids how to explore their feelings and it can help strengthen the parent-child bond.

• Parents can provide their kids with colored pencils, markers, crayons, scissors, glue and a sketchbook.
• Letting your child keep a sketchbook can increase his self-awareness and give him a place to sort out his feelings and emotions.
• Treat this sketchbook like a diary for your kids - often it's easier to draw that to write.
• Be sure to let them show you their pictures when they are ready, because art can be very personal. Giving your child this freedom and sharing their drawings when they're ready shows your child how much you care.

 

Sources:

http://www.americanarttherapyassociation.org/aata-aboutus.html

http://psychology.jrank.org/pages/45/Art-Therapy.html

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Next Topic:

Growing pains are a normal part of the teenage years.  But how do you know if your teen is acting is normal and what can you do to keep him or her out of trouble during this transitional time? Jim Clark, the president and CEO of Daniel, provides some tips that should help.

 

Proactive Ways to Prevent Teen Trouble:

The important thing is to start these things early – before you see signs of trouble in your teenager.

• First off, set limits.  This is something you should be doing with any child.  As your child gets older and approaches the teenage years, it’s even more important to ensure these limits are clear.  Examples of limits include curfew times and where a teen is allowed to go and with whom.
• When making these rules and limits, remember to be reasonable. Teens will not respond well to unnecessarily hard rules, such as an 8 p.m. curfew on the weekends. Instead, come up with rational expectations and explain them.  Such as “I expect you to check in with me when you arrive somewhere so that I know you are safe.”
• Take “Because I said so” out of your conversations. This might work with younger children, but teens are old enough to see through it. Wherever possible, take the time to explain the reasoning behind your decisions and your teens are more likely to listen.
• In general, communicate with your teenager. Even if teens grunt in response, or don’t seem to be listening, they are hearing more than you might think.  The key is to approach them at the right time and with the right message. For instance, the time to talk is not when either of you are tired, angry or busy. Also, start out on a positive note . . . never with “We need to talk, young man!”  Listen openly when your teen talks to you and show an interest in his life.

Trouble Signs in Teens:

 

Two things to watch for are:

• Symptoms of depression that last for two weeks or longer. These symptoms can vary widely, but include things like loss of interest in activities or hobbies, an abrupt drop in school attendance or grades, and a lack of personal hygiene and attention to appearance.
• Abuse of drugs and alcohol. The signs of this can be similar to depression and also include rapid changes in friends, mood swings, such as temper flare ups, secretive and defensive behavior and stealing money or objects. Other things to look for are signs of masking odors or drug side effects. For example, be on alert if they are suddenly wearing lots of cologne or perfume or using more eye drops or mouthwash.

 

After you recognize that there is a problem, the next step is to get help. With depression and substance abuse, it’s a good idea to seek professional help. A psychiatrist or counselor will be able to properly evaluate the severity of the program and recommend the best course of action.

 

Things NOT to Worry About:

• Teens often try new fads in clothing, hairstyles and music.  Although some of their choices may seem odd to you, like blue hair, yet this type of behavior is perfectly normal. Make sure you give them some freedom to express themselves (hair grows back). Save putting your foot down for more permanent things, like tattoos or piercings.
• It’s also typical for teenagers to spend more time alone or with their friends and share less openly with parents or other family members.
• The teenage years are a time of growth and development, so some things are going to change but you don’t need to worry about all of them.

 

Sources: http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/PM1547H.pdf

http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Keeping_Teen_Out_Trouble/

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1513770/tips_to_keep_teenagers_out_of_trouble_pg2.html?cat=25